i'm a bitch!

The feeling of wanting to know more... wanting to know what's wrong... knowing that it has already happen... finding hard to make a sound... pushing urself to a corner ... putting all the blame on oneself... having to face people with fake smiles knowing that it doesn't come from the heart. Don't even know if what u have done was right or wrong ... begin someone who cares abt people feelings ended up making urself in a state like this sucks.

God, i pray for everyone to be happy at least for this christmas to forget all troubles and lead life as it was before everything happens please...

nothing pays to be good..

who will ever care even when u wake up early in the morning, making an effort to go all the way to this isolated island... when i could have stayed at home, have more sleep and have breakfast with my family!
making mi like a fool to wait on the court for 2 hours?
so what if the technology is so advanced when no one even bothers to use it!
i could have been more irresponsible and dun even care to make any arrangements.. i could have went thailand with my family and dun even give a damn shit for IH.
To be able to go snorking, enjoy the beach, look at the fishes and see how much freedom they have. Hitch a ride on a jet ski from daddy... shopping...

Damn it! it doesn't pays to be good.. to always do the right thing. I DUN WANNA CARE ANYMORE!

A week of blogging

Dear diary,

Daddy, mummy and sisters went to thailand last thursday and will be back in singapore tml morning 1am. These few days of them being absent from home... it's peaceful and quiet. Certainly, it is nice to have such days being alone at home doing things u want. On thursday, i went for softball training in the morning and suppose to have tennis training in the afternoon but the weather in dec is just so rainy. Ended up watching soccer hall 7 vs hall 10 or 12 ( nt sure) . Ayway, hall 7 won 2-0. Congrats! So tired... i went back to my room n slept till 8.30 and headed home. Drop by at jp subway to get my dinner while eating it on the trip home ia bus. At home.. there's only my bro. Guess i slept ard 1 after watching scv ba.

On friday, it was back to hall 7 again for tennis. It's our first prelimary rounds with hall 13. Somehow, i felt the nervousness... as i woke up with a weird feeling in my stomach. It hurts - it was the same pain i felt when i was in sec 3 before my cross country. I almost didn't want to go to hall for that early warm up... but i still dragged myself to do so. After warm up, i went to sadaf room ( my senior staying on the same level as mi) .. had a little chat with her and ate a doughnut. Went out for lunch with yi hao, mario and sadaf before yi hao and I headed off to help out as empire and linesman. The sun was hot! I'm so tanned but sadly an uneven tanned i got here... Soon it was our turn to play. Our men doubles has easily won with 6-0. Mixed doubles too 6-0 , women doubles 6-0 and woman single won too. Man single lost but it was alright afterall it's tough to beat an ivp player! Good work everyone :) We shall strive harder :)
After the match and a bath, met up with my hall people and off we go for dinner! Where? the nearest shopping centre - jp. Everyone ate from the same stall... it brings mi back to where we usually eat after tennis training with my jjc tennis girls with mr low. Stayed for the night cos we are having a drinking session. Hmm... had some chat with my hall people, one of them is an exchange student from switerzland. I didn't drink much .. two glasses. One with orange juice and the other with sprite, that's all. Didn't want to get drunk. Anyway, it was my first time staying overnight in hall , drinking and chatting till like 4am i tink.

On saturday, it was a special day. It's my dearest rowena birthday! Woke up at 10 plus am.. n had to quickly rush home cos cheryl, melissa and I were planning a birthday surprise for her. Haa.. meet up with cheryl in town to shop for rowena present. We really wanted to buy her a watch but it was too much for us to afford so we bought her a top, earrings and necklace. Hope u like it girl:) Rushed home from town too cos we haven bake our brownie nor cook the spahgetti . Quickly, we get all the ingredients from cold storage and landed ourselves in the kitchen. Got help from my maid in cooking. We bake the brownie ourselves and cut it into a heart shape. I also bought some special candles called the relight candles. We want to play a trick on her. Also, had her earrings placed in an ice. Rowena thought we will be having dinner at secret recipe so when we bought out her a plate of spaghetti... haha. Ate dinner tgt with garlic toast and nuggets. Shortly, melissa bring her to the swimming pool area while cheryl and I bring the lighted cake and present to her. It was a nice place to celebrate her birthday :) The most humourous part was having to see her blowing the candles and it went off but was relighted again. Kept teasing her that she was so lousy even after eating dinner and still had no strength to blow off the candles.

Before rowena came, we had called to reserve place at The Settlers. It was so fun having to play games there .. there was this particular game we were so super noisy and i came to realise I am slow in reacting. Cheryl is the one who reacts fast and won the title of Miss violent haha, right cheryl? After 2 hours there.. all of us felt so full than before. Cos we have been eating non stop from my home - spaghetti, garlic toast, brownie, nuggets to The settlers - black pepper fries, tibits and drinks. Took cab home - wow, it's a tiring day indeed.
Sunday - i spend my whole day gluing my eyes on the tv jus dun wanna do anything. Actually i planned to go sun tan myself so that i have a more even tan but it seems like i woke up on a rainy day. So there goes away my sun... Was becoming really bored so i decided to open the drawer and see if there are ny shows to watch. Didn't know we had the vcd of 'Princess Hours' . Anyway, i watched from 4pm till it was bedtime and continue watching it today after 'Worlds Aprt' ended at 1pm. I thot there was only 12 esp but came to realise that actually there is 24 but the other 12 esp vcd, i just couldn't find it! It's infuriating and now i'm back to doing nothing so blog... in another 5 hours and a half, i would be seeing them at changi airport :) Hope sis bought mi some stuffs though i dun expect much since they are gg to an island. Maybe i will hear complaints from mum cos she dislike the sun and always love to have that fair skin haha. That's my mum :)

I love being alone sometimes. It's the only time where you can think about stuffs you really wanna know about urself. Every year I wish something special would happen but it isn't as easy as wishing for it to happen. Perhaps, time is unable to explain everything that happen even though the saying always go ' Everything happens for a reason.' To find out the reason for every single thing that happen is too tireous... just let it come and go for what will be, will be.

There's no point to ask why. Each and everyone gives a different reason so why bother to ask? Does it helps to make one feels better this way? Maybe you are hurting someone without knowing that a word from you can cause pain like a stiletto that stab through the heart.

sisters rocks

They are that bored when i bought them back to hall with me to stay over the night...

Said' Jie, i felt so cheated!'
haha

Queen of Queens 2006

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One litre of tears

Dear diary,

Was there any point of time you feel like God is treating you unfairly?
Was there any point of time you feel that this world isn't a place for you?
Was there any point of time you ask yourself so many times ' Why?'

At one point of my life, I ask myself all the above questions...

We live in the same world but lead different life.
Who we are to blame for the imperfect things in our life?
Our parents? Ourself? God?
No one can answer.

I had completed watching this japanese drama ' 1 litre of tears' in two days. It's really the saddest drama i ever seen. Nevertheless, I learn... that we should always be satisfy with who we are now and what we have now. No matter what plight you are in, you are always luckier than someone around you.



Based on a true story, One Litre of Tears is about the life story Kitou Aya (1962-1988) a girl who had an incurable disease called Spinocerebellar Degeneration Disease (also known as SCA type 2; spinocerebellar ataxia type 2)at a young age of 15. Although the girl in the drama - Ikeuchi Aya, lived in the 21st century, her character was based on Kitou Aya's life, how she struggled and fought her disease and how she wrote her deepest thoughts until the last day she could hold a pen. Before she died, her writings were published including the poems she wrote while she is staying in a school for the disabled. This gave new hopes to people who suffers the same disease as she did and soon Aya received letters of appreciation and thanks from those people. At the age of 25, she succumbed herself into a sleep where she could no longer feel any pain.

I went to the library today... hoping i was able to borrow her diary to read. I couldn't find it however i came across another book. Sat down on the floor n flip through the pages. One particular sentence is so true - 'We should be bless that we never know what the future lies ahead of us. Because if we know about the obstacles we were to face, we may never want to step out and learn to be a successful person in life. '

On the other hand, if we were to know about the future ad learn about the challenges we were to face. We learn how to treasure the time we have now and do everything we can, treating it as though there is no tomorrow.

I shall learn to cherish everything around me, knowing how wonderful it is to be able to look up the sky n say ' It's a beautiful day! '

@deine = > thank you for everything i have :)