i'm a bitch!

The feeling of wanting to know more... wanting to know what's wrong... knowing that it has already happen... finding hard to make a sound... pushing urself to a corner ... putting all the blame on oneself... having to face people with fake smiles knowing that it doesn't come from the heart. Don't even know if what u have done was right or wrong ... begin someone who cares abt people feelings ended up making urself in a state like this sucks.

God, i pray for everyone to be happy at least for this christmas to forget all troubles and lead life as it was before everything happens please...

nothing pays to be good..

who will ever care even when u wake up early in the morning, making an effort to go all the way to this isolated island... when i could have stayed at home, have more sleep and have breakfast with my family!
making mi like a fool to wait on the court for 2 hours?
so what if the technology is so advanced when no one even bothers to use it!
i could have been more irresponsible and dun even care to make any arrangements.. i could have went thailand with my family and dun even give a damn shit for IH.
To be able to go snorking, enjoy the beach, look at the fishes and see how much freedom they have. Hitch a ride on a jet ski from daddy... shopping...

Damn it! it doesn't pays to be good.. to always do the right thing. I DUN WANNA CARE ANYMORE!

A week of blogging

Dear diary,

Daddy, mummy and sisters went to thailand last thursday and will be back in singapore tml morning 1am. These few days of them being absent from home... it's peaceful and quiet. Certainly, it is nice to have such days being alone at home doing things u want. On thursday, i went for softball training in the morning and suppose to have tennis training in the afternoon but the weather in dec is just so rainy. Ended up watching soccer hall 7 vs hall 10 or 12 ( nt sure) . Ayway, hall 7 won 2-0. Congrats! So tired... i went back to my room n slept till 8.30 and headed home. Drop by at jp subway to get my dinner while eating it on the trip home ia bus. At home.. there's only my bro. Guess i slept ard 1 after watching scv ba.

On friday, it was back to hall 7 again for tennis. It's our first prelimary rounds with hall 13. Somehow, i felt the nervousness... as i woke up with a weird feeling in my stomach. It hurts - it was the same pain i felt when i was in sec 3 before my cross country. I almost didn't want to go to hall for that early warm up... but i still dragged myself to do so. After warm up, i went to sadaf room ( my senior staying on the same level as mi) .. had a little chat with her and ate a doughnut. Went out for lunch with yi hao, mario and sadaf before yi hao and I headed off to help out as empire and linesman. The sun was hot! I'm so tanned but sadly an uneven tanned i got here... Soon it was our turn to play. Our men doubles has easily won with 6-0. Mixed doubles too 6-0 , women doubles 6-0 and woman single won too. Man single lost but it was alright afterall it's tough to beat an ivp player! Good work everyone :) We shall strive harder :)
After the match and a bath, met up with my hall people and off we go for dinner! Where? the nearest shopping centre - jp. Everyone ate from the same stall... it brings mi back to where we usually eat after tennis training with my jjc tennis girls with mr low. Stayed for the night cos we are having a drinking session. Hmm... had some chat with my hall people, one of them is an exchange student from switerzland. I didn't drink much .. two glasses. One with orange juice and the other with sprite, that's all. Didn't want to get drunk. Anyway, it was my first time staying overnight in hall , drinking and chatting till like 4am i tink.

On saturday, it was a special day. It's my dearest rowena birthday! Woke up at 10 plus am.. n had to quickly rush home cos cheryl, melissa and I were planning a birthday surprise for her. Haa.. meet up with cheryl in town to shop for rowena present. We really wanted to buy her a watch but it was too much for us to afford so we bought her a top, earrings and necklace. Hope u like it girl:) Rushed home from town too cos we haven bake our brownie nor cook the spahgetti . Quickly, we get all the ingredients from cold storage and landed ourselves in the kitchen. Got help from my maid in cooking. We bake the brownie ourselves and cut it into a heart shape. I also bought some special candles called the relight candles. We want to play a trick on her. Also, had her earrings placed in an ice. Rowena thought we will be having dinner at secret recipe so when we bought out her a plate of spaghetti... haha. Ate dinner tgt with garlic toast and nuggets. Shortly, melissa bring her to the swimming pool area while cheryl and I bring the lighted cake and present to her. It was a nice place to celebrate her birthday :) The most humourous part was having to see her blowing the candles and it went off but was relighted again. Kept teasing her that she was so lousy even after eating dinner and still had no strength to blow off the candles.

Before rowena came, we had called to reserve place at The Settlers. It was so fun having to play games there .. there was this particular game we were so super noisy and i came to realise I am slow in reacting. Cheryl is the one who reacts fast and won the title of Miss violent haha, right cheryl? After 2 hours there.. all of us felt so full than before. Cos we have been eating non stop from my home - spaghetti, garlic toast, brownie, nuggets to The settlers - black pepper fries, tibits and drinks. Took cab home - wow, it's a tiring day indeed.
Sunday - i spend my whole day gluing my eyes on the tv jus dun wanna do anything. Actually i planned to go sun tan myself so that i have a more even tan but it seems like i woke up on a rainy day. So there goes away my sun... Was becoming really bored so i decided to open the drawer and see if there are ny shows to watch. Didn't know we had the vcd of 'Princess Hours' . Anyway, i watched from 4pm till it was bedtime and continue watching it today after 'Worlds Aprt' ended at 1pm. I thot there was only 12 esp but came to realise that actually there is 24 but the other 12 esp vcd, i just couldn't find it! It's infuriating and now i'm back to doing nothing so blog... in another 5 hours and a half, i would be seeing them at changi airport :) Hope sis bought mi some stuffs though i dun expect much since they are gg to an island. Maybe i will hear complaints from mum cos she dislike the sun and always love to have that fair skin haha. That's my mum :)

I love being alone sometimes. It's the only time where you can think about stuffs you really wanna know about urself. Every year I wish something special would happen but it isn't as easy as wishing for it to happen. Perhaps, time is unable to explain everything that happen even though the saying always go ' Everything happens for a reason.' To find out the reason for every single thing that happen is too tireous... just let it come and go for what will be, will be.

There's no point to ask why. Each and everyone gives a different reason so why bother to ask? Does it helps to make one feels better this way? Maybe you are hurting someone without knowing that a word from you can cause pain like a stiletto that stab through the heart.

sisters rocks

They are that bored when i bought them back to hall with me to stay over the night...

Said' Jie, i felt so cheated!'
haha

Queen of Queens 2006

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One litre of tears

Dear diary,

Was there any point of time you feel like God is treating you unfairly?
Was there any point of time you feel that this world isn't a place for you?
Was there any point of time you ask yourself so many times ' Why?'

At one point of my life, I ask myself all the above questions...

We live in the same world but lead different life.
Who we are to blame for the imperfect things in our life?
Our parents? Ourself? God?
No one can answer.

I had completed watching this japanese drama ' 1 litre of tears' in two days. It's really the saddest drama i ever seen. Nevertheless, I learn... that we should always be satisfy with who we are now and what we have now. No matter what plight you are in, you are always luckier than someone around you.



Based on a true story, One Litre of Tears is about the life story Kitou Aya (1962-1988) a girl who had an incurable disease called Spinocerebellar Degeneration Disease (also known as SCA type 2; spinocerebellar ataxia type 2)at a young age of 15. Although the girl in the drama - Ikeuchi Aya, lived in the 21st century, her character was based on Kitou Aya's life, how she struggled and fought her disease and how she wrote her deepest thoughts until the last day she could hold a pen. Before she died, her writings were published including the poems she wrote while she is staying in a school for the disabled. This gave new hopes to people who suffers the same disease as she did and soon Aya received letters of appreciation and thanks from those people. At the age of 25, she succumbed herself into a sleep where she could no longer feel any pain.

I went to the library today... hoping i was able to borrow her diary to read. I couldn't find it however i came across another book. Sat down on the floor n flip through the pages. One particular sentence is so true - 'We should be bless that we never know what the future lies ahead of us. Because if we know about the obstacles we were to face, we may never want to step out and learn to be a successful person in life. '

On the other hand, if we were to know about the future ad learn about the challenges we were to face. We learn how to treasure the time we have now and do everything we can, treating it as though there is no tomorrow.

I shall learn to cherish everything around me, knowing how wonderful it is to be able to look up the sky n say ' It's a beautiful day! '

@deine = > thank you for everything i have :)

exams are finally over

Dear diary,

I've finally tide through this half a year in uni... this long yet short 2 weeks, there seems to be endless thoughts passing through my mind. However, thanks to all the people around mi whom i study with, giving me moral support which i needed so much. Thanks!


Blessing of bubbles floating in the air
Felt your love and care
It means so much to me
Hiding in a corner, from a distant from you
The feeling of long lost love came stumbling upon
Making me realise...
U stand a place within me far more than i know

This holiday seems a little different from others cos of hall activities.
Hopefully it will still be fun though the travelling to n from will be tiring!
Going to vivo city later with nicole for shopping n movie :) wanna get a new wallet, pair of low heels ...
Last night i was angry. I lost all the photos in the computer, everything was gone cos my sister save the wrong folder and the computer was reformat! Damn... all the photos of memories are gone :( I'm so frustrated... is there anyway where the com is reformat n still able to retrieve the lost files?

@deine => wishing for an endless holiday

A year older

Dear diary,

How lucky can I having to celebrate the day i was born for 4 consecutive years when coping with examinations :( Had my IT paper yesterday morning which i shall not elaborate cos I'm jus an IT dummy.

Went home ard 3 plus today ... slack around till dinner time. Thanks to my family especially daddy who brought me to Michelango ( nt very sure how to spell it) , a very expensive place to go. DUn think i will ever step in there without having a heavy pocket. We actually spend around 45 minutes going to holland den to bukit timah n back to holland again.. just to decide where to eat :P This restaurant is famous for it's pasta.. we ordered 6 plates to share. Yummy.. but i feel damn bad when the bill come. It cost $255! Gosh.

I have been staying in hall alone for the past few days.. being alone is so sad and gloomy. I dun like it.. it's always nice to have someone for companion. N this makes mi think twice about gg back to hall tml morning. Studying with friend is nice.. but staying at home makes u feel so cosy. Now that i have to go back tml morning, i shall go to my cosy bed to slp for that few hours.. b4 heading back to the 4 walls. Can anyone please invent a teleport or a machine which allows me to travel one place to another within like a few minutes? It really makes my life so much better!

I'm so not prepared for the exams for next n following week. So dead!

lovely bed n aircon makes u feel good..

happy birthday to myself :)

Is it right?

Dear diary..

It's hari raya pusa - public holiday! But what m i doing in hall right now.. when i can go home n enjoy family love and cosy environment. Had to stay in hall cos of FM project almost the whole day. I miss home badly last night .. i dunno y when the past three days at home i wasn't feeling happy at all. Or was i really moody.. or was it the amount of work i had to complete just turn me off.
Last friday, i told mummy ' can i eat something nice?' I never asked a question like this in my entire life but somehow i asked her. I must have sounded I m starving in hall to her. Actually last week, i was really stressed up over my accounting quiz tt i really didn't feel like eating at all that whole week.

It didn't turn out to what I thought i might have felt after the quiz. Some regrets over things here n there.. but it's over. No point turning back on stuffs that u cannot change anything. I can only say.. I really tried my best.


Something crop up... affected!

It's nearing

Dear diary,

I've been rushing through all my tutorials for next week so that i can start studying my accountancy quiz next week. But time seems to run away faster than i expected. Everything planned was DESTROYED!

Time... is so priceless, so fast.

It's sinking so badly.. drowning deep down under the sea
keep swimming to look for the precious pearls
sometimes there's hope upon seeing an osyter shell
but when u open it, it's empty.
felt as if there isn't any chances of finding them
under the big sea w/o directions
it's tough.
Is it time to give up?

Went to the new shopping centre today , i think it's called vivo city. It's like one of the shopping malls in USA. Big stores with lotsa varieties. Bought a pair of shorts from Nichille. Like it :)

read my mind if you can...

I like them!

How wonderful life can be ...
Sitting around the table with homecooked foods
What is unique is not about the food..
Is about the people you are having with.
Interesting saturday at Fang Lay's house, with all my secondary sch friends.
We've Kah Chong, Denis n Fang Lay to be the chief for the day!
Had a table 2 plates of different kinda eggs, tomato cum chili sauguage n potatoes, wan tan soup, sting rays, nuggets, sotongs, oat prawns.. sounds delicious? Yea!
Nice nice.. with all the conversation, laughter. I feel that we are like back to the e2 family!

Was thinking like next time when we are older, can meet up every weekend n do the same thing.. even till we get married with kids haha. That'll be fun huh? lol.. but i dun wanna grow old!

Happy time with my fav hang out peeps tonight though the haze is really bad.
Gosh, gonna play tennis tml morning with such bad weather is horrible.

@deine=> it's worth putting aside time for your frens:") they bring happiness...

Happy happy

Smiling today :) Haha.. izzit b'cos of the weekend? or izzit i've almost recover?
Whatever.. i feel slightly - ya SLIGHTLY mad today.

Went to celebrate mooncake festival at my parent's fren place.
Played with the little kids :) n talked to pple of our X generation. Cool..
Everyone in the X generation is LAME!

The weather is bad.. the haze is bad
School is bad... tutorials are bad
My room is good.. my bed is good
Weekend is the best... sleeping is fanastic!

I'm so going to sleep! goodnite pple :)

~i wish i can sleep like no tomorrow~

Recovering?

i thot it's time to turn in...
hell NO. Walking back n forth on the pathway.

Slept ard 3 plus 4? Found info on accounting project.
Drank my cough sryrup hoping it wil make mi more drowsy.


The weather is damn bad! Stupid haze...

Gave tuition just now, came home.
Lie on the bed.. took pills for headache.

Haven ate anything thing since i woke up.
Drink my milo.. ya, tt's all i had.
To avoid mi having to suffer thru the night again.

So sick...

Terrible day...

Woke up with jelly legs, hungry yet uncomfortable stomach
Next, i was sitting on the floor trying to control myself from puking
It didn't end there. i was feeling so weak. My back is aching

Went to sgh... took my report- everything is fine

Called n was fetched home. Headache, cough, flu, fever

I puke again shortly after i ate my brunch. Soon, korkor came home with a bag of medicine. He's down too with headache n took leave. Everyone in the family is sick.

Went to the doctor.. n now i've to take 5 pills each time n drink the cough syrup which may cause drowsiness. Spend the whole day sleeping.

Don't feel like gg back to hall but it was so unlucky tt tml i've two tutorials which are rather impt. Argh...

What's wrong?

Dear diary

1st the whole world is doing projects... coping with assignment like bis law.
now the whole world is sick ... battling with the flu.

What's coming next?
Everyone will be stress ... facing deadlines, quizes, exams.

Well done!
Yea, so this is what uni life is all about.

Finally i understood.

Yanni.. it was fun last night. Haha as i look at my photos i think i look damn old. Prefer those tt i took with you :) Anyway, u are pretty. Should really consider letting ur hair down instead siriusly.

World of dizziness

Dear diary,

Weak... coughing here n there. Having headache ; not sure if it is my illness or is it that pile of work yet to be completed.
Woke up only ard 11 plus i think. Continue reading my bis law den went to Jurong East to get the gift cards for the swensen mooncakes. Li xiang was super late.. but luckily i brought my IT textbk with me.
Walking back n forth - the route that lead me to home or to the library. In the end, i went to drink green bean soup cos haven had lunch den decided to go to the library.. saw many familiar faces. Glad that u guys are still doing well :) I thought i would understand IT but i couldn't n dunno what is it abt. Never study finish, too cold.. i headed home.
Lay down on the sofa.. i fell asleep again till 7 plus. Finally i had my 1st meal of the day - porridge.


Yesterday after gg to National Heart Centre. i meet up with yanni to do bis law. We went to New York New york - the pizza is nice:) the mudpie was alright but yanni dun really like it. Haha.. despite seeing the long queue, we refuse to leave till we read till page 15. Saw cheryl, keng ee n yvette who is queuing lol. Sorry girls! Cos of pple like us who refuse to leave tt's y the queue is there :P Nvm, hungry le can eat more n the food will be tastier. Spent 2 hours plus only to read those 15 pages is really getting on my nerves. Den went to MOS burger to continue with our work n getting started with the typing. Left around 11.


Holiday is not meant to spend this way like i did ... i wanna play but i didn't had the chance. Looking forward to tml :)

Emotions

So many events happening
Was watching tv after having tennis n giving tuition to my cousin the whole morning n early afternoon.

'Mom at sixteen' is showing on hallmark channel.
I felt it as much as jacy does.
It hurts having to give your flesh away.
But what she done was right
No matter how many options she has
To keep him by her side, to let her mum take care of him or to quit sch n take care of him...
Nothing can compare to give Charlie a complete family.
The decision she makes, is the best for Charlie.
That is to put him on adoption to provide him with a complete family.

It make me realise, whatever your parents do...
They always put you in front of them.
It doesn't matter if they have to work 10 hours day n night
It doesn't matter if they have to go through the pain of everything
So long as you are safe n healthy.
Please remember that when you are about to complain about your parents.
Put yourself into the shoes of theirs... think how much they have put in for you b4 u spill out words that make u feel bad.



Many times, the thought of leaving this world came across to you.
Each time, you go thru the struggle and told me
' Life ain't that difficult , isn't it?'
I nodded my head n smile.
Just a few minutes ago,
U asked me ' What if the time to leave this world is arriving?'
I said , ' Please don't let it happen, please..'
You stood there looking at the mirror
Pray with all your heart, telling yourself
'This isn't happening to me. Everything will goes well.'
Each lonliness you face,
I knew all you need is company.

Be brave n pull it all through cos everything is gonna be fine :)

Mugging begins? when?

Dear diary,

These few days I haven been sleeping enough. With an hour of slp on tue nite n a few hours on wed.

Been slacking but i still do my tutorials. This one week holiday is piled up with lotsa work - Acc project, FM project, IT quiz, Bis law 1000 word assignment. I dun mind doing group project cos sometimes can slack opps! But bis law seriously sucks.

I will be in hall the whole of next week... should be studying :)
Sian! Suppose to go for nite cycling tonight but daddy dun allow me all becos of tt! Argh, i'm fine lo.. there's nothing wrong with me. If nothing was discover den all these wouldn't have happen at all. I could have join in the fun later... n not having to make life dificult for other people.

@deine=> can u choose to live ur life all over again?

Medical checkup

Went home last night.. so happy:) Get to sleep in my comfort zone, feel so great! Went home around 10 , watch tv till 1am n slop onto my bed till 10am.

Had to go home cos I have this heart checkup in SGH. I wasn't feeling scare till i step into the room alone. Need to do this EKG thing to get my report. It doesn't matter whether the doctor is a male or a female.. but the point of having letting someone see and examine yourself ain't feel good. Thot everything will be done after ECG n that consultation is just to see my report. I was so totally wrong. Proceed to see Dr Bernard n i just felt like telling him no to the instructions given though he is very nice n good looking. I felt myself blushing. Dr Bernard is very patient n guide me through the whole examination.
He said that my echo was loud so need further scan. My face went like ' huh, not again? Think he saw it cos he explain to me the procedure which i wasn't keen to know after hearing it n assure me nothing will happen. Lol, i asked him if i can forgo the scan? Then he went to explain the consequences. Make me more scare only on next Thursday for the more detailed ECG which costs $130!. Whenever i see doctors, nothing good ever happens - spine prob since pri 4 (IOH), fracture my wrist (SGH) , sprain my leg, heart murmur( NHC) argh. when can i ever visit the doctor n not having to worry?

I'm slacking my time away almost a week. Plan to study during the holidays n slacken this week. But will it cause me to lose my momentum? Evenings are packed the rest of the week :) Looking forward to tml night with my darling alison haha rite babe?

will there be a good night sleep tonight?

An imperfect girl with a near perfect life

"Do you know what you means to him? You are the air around him.He may not know you exist.But once you are gone, life can never be the same again."

This words I heard from the tv, makes mi ponder.
Many people around us, we treat them like air... we knew life gonna be different without them but not till when we lose them. When will human beings ever learn to not take things from granted?

Yesterday, it was if i remembered correctly, the only day I never touch my books at all. Was stoning at our hall 7 comm hall... listening to rally. Although I had a few questions in mind, I didn't raise them. Don't think that it's good having to make life difficult for people. But all these conversations, questions all the spot makes me wonder what if I am the one sitting down there. Having to answer all these, most probably I wouldn't have make it.

I had my individual presentation this morning for communication management. Last night, I rehearse a no of times hoping things will turn out fine n that I don't tremble. Before class, i still think that my old problem will happen jus like what had happen a yr plus ago. Our tutor came in with a video camera n fix it behind the class. Everyone had their turn to present. To my surprise, all of them did well :) It's more painful having to sit there waiting for ur turn to come. Unluckily, i was the last few so my heart was pumping a little faster than usual till my turn came. I had the most no of slides n i got stuck on one of my point.. but gladly, no more trembling! hehe. i was really proud of myself. Maybe holding n reading off from cards is a bad thing. Sense of achievement :)

Came home.. home cooked food is the most delicious! I slack from morning till now - sleeping for hours n hours with the best weather to stay at home n lie on your cosy bed. Had to drag myself out from bed unwillingly to go to the tennis court. Got hold all my stuffs, walk out through my yard n down the slope. The next thing i knew i was on the ground. There's is stupid green stretch of thing act like a mini fence between the slope n the pathway. Damn suay, now I have two red swollen knees. Claps, what a great timing huh. There i were suppose to play tennis n here I got myself injured. Nevertheless, I still continued playing by limping haha.

I wanna decorate my room! As in my NTU room - i wan to make in into a winniepooh land for my side or a beach feeling. Any ideas to offer? Like where can i buy winnie-the pooh pictures where i can stick onto the walls. Big ones not tiny ones. Or pictures of dolphins, the scenary of a sunrise/sunset?

@de|ine=> i m hoping one day i won't need a fake smile.
I live by quotes that explain what i am exactly going through
I have drama and memories ( and that's life)
live it, love it ... and learn from it

zhen hao's birthday pic

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life was meant to be...

Dear diary,

Another week of this tertiary lifestyle has just past.

Went for hall production last friday. I like it esp the singing n dance... Stayed in school to study my 'FM' chapter 1 n accounting chapter 1 n 2. Accounting 101 is getting better for mi , i hope. That night after hall production, chun sent a few of us home. Hmm left karen n I, so i didn't felt like going home n we went to holland village to snack again although we had bah ku teh after hall production. Den we went to his house .. haha, played othello n saw pictures of them in usa. Went home only like 4am?

Saturday
Zhen hao birthday... 21st! So kinda sirius mini party? Yupz, went to his house .. had lotsa fun with sirius pple as usual :) love their company always! Played the food game, took lotsa pictures. We gave him a shirt n $100 vouchers. Went home ard hmm 11 plus i think.

Sunday
I felt so guilty for nt studying during the whole weekend. Ended up in queenstown library frm 2 to 6. Had lots of preious thoughts .. it was like back to jc times. CHeryl n I used to mug there almost every other day we were free? Ya, miss u girl! We were so close yet so far... it was jus a phone away /a gd news away for us to hang out like we used to be. Truthfully, i was kinda sad when i heard that at the pt of time when i knew everything planned can't work out at all. But, i'm still wanna tell u - study hard n hopefully u find someone to company u in ur studies too :) As i walk along the same old route home.. memories came pouring.
Long - sweet memories - happy times - stressful conversations... all n all, it was a moment to revive.

Super cold on every monday in sch... forgot my jacket. Ate spaghetti.. nt bad but still lose to mum! i miss mummy's cooking. Aww Rmb last yr when i had to eat outside food everyday, the moment i see food, i just felt like puking. It took me like 2 weeks to get used to outside food. Told mum once that i cannot live without home cooked food.. n she was staring at me n say ' how r u going to survive next time? 'Erm.. no idea. Maybe i can learn to cook?

Reading room is a gd place to study in hall 7, it's gonna be my favourite hangout place every night i suppose. Suppose to had dinner with sirius at canteen 4. I did went but jus when the food came, my phone rang. Ya, so off i went to wait for the shuttle bus. So pissed off! Waited so long n in the end it is terminating like the next stop? Wth.. anyway thanks allan for the ride back n kk company :)
to u, hang on strong ok. Everything is going to turn out fine. Life is never fair to anyone... but if we hold a positive attitude towards what God is going to put us through this test, we will pass it. Times when u feel low, do know that I'm always there - a call, a walk or just sitting just beside u.

Watched lakehouse last night with alison.. it is a nice movie but i dun really understand. Hmm sounds weird right haha.

After dinner, i came back n changed into my tennis outfit. Off alone i went to the court... practicing my service. It sucks initally but i saw it coming when i was at my third bucket of balls till the fifth. Used to serve n treat it as one way to vent my anger. It does helps to vent ur anger but nt to improve ur service. Tennis is a game of concentration and focus.


Mission to be accomplished - 2 presentations, 1 quiz.
- all tutorials ( sucks)

Yea! This weekend, i'm gg to catch westlife concert with meli! Hehe.. looking forward. 1st time gg to a concert like this one! Can't wait to hear them sing life!
Saturday, i just got plans.. sometimes a phone call can really makes u smile. Receive a call from my student frm qwss. He n grp of frens call to trick me... n also to ask help for their coming prelims or rather o levels. So saturday, i'll be down at holland village n being bombarded with questions which i hope is familiar n easy.
Tennis training on sunday.. hmm how m i gg to find time to studying for monday quiz n concentrate on monday presentation?

DESSERTS!

many times, i always said to myself ' IF ONLY...'
many times, 'IF ONLY..' come true
i wouldn't be sitting down here!

Time management

Dear diary,

Jus finished my biz law tutorial where i m really lost. The terms tey used are so chim.. catch no ball --> so i must play more softball. =x this is nt a joke

Last weekend was busy. On friday, i went shopping with rowena to marina square as she need a top for her talent time performance. The previous fri, we were there shopping too n i came across this pretty dress n this time roundi bought it. N a necklace to match with the dress. That day, i spend ard $80. Then rush to tiong baru..

Sat
Doing acc 1 tutorial in the afternoon. Nbs dnd at night. It was fun... our pagaent girl - kathleen did a great job:) We're siriusly proud of u! Took lots of pictures but i dun have them with mi now as i forget to bring my camera. Will post them next time. After dnd, hui shan, li xiang n mi took allan car. It was decided last minute to go holland v. swensen. Yea, ate a new flavour of their sundae - Mad mac. Nice nice~

Sunday
Basically sleeping almost the whole day... den getting ready to go back to hall7.

Monday
Had tennis with chun n yi hao. This time round, i think i m more or less back to my form. Went to jp with the seniors for dinner - subway. Eversince i stay in hall, fast food seems so far away from mi which is good for health but nt when u urge for it. Super tired but still i must hang on for the sake of studying. Obviously, i didn't absorb anything esp right now biz law tutorial is over.

Tuesday
Slp till 11.30am. Today, i ate a whole load of food but none of them is a proper meal. Banana, biscuits, cake, bread, cheese prata, waffles, milo, teddy bear cookies, milk
Sounds alot right, it's really alot haha.
After lecture, played inter block volleyball for my block cos there is nt enuff girls. My 1st time playin volleyball.. i can't serve for nuts! Either can i play well but the point is my hands hurts. They looks blueblack now. Ouch. i wonder y volleyballers enjoy torturing themself?

Wed
I'm suppose to take a nap now b i start falling asleep during later Fm seminar where the chances is high. So ciao, off to bed! Shall forgo lunch to catch ball in FM later.

@deine=> when u have nothing to do, the best thing is to sleep zzz.

stress!

Human beings are weird. We love everything that we don't own.

Just moments ago, I miss my family so much. Yet minutes b4 when mummy calls, i gave her tt piss off attitude cos i was rather piss of with my studies. She seems to always call at the wrong timing...
I don't complain my troubles to my mum cos she never will understand. Sometimes i wish daddy is right here with me every night like we used to hang ard in the living room. Talking about things ard us... at times i'm able to hint my problems to him n hear him talk about life stories n experiences. Yet calling my dad is something i hardly do.. afraid tt my parents would thot i'm in deep trouble or sth. Haiz. At home gt my two little twins sisters n giant bro to entertain me. Just miss them when i'm feeling sad.

Uni is so different... perhaps i haven found a fren who is willingly to study n work hard together with me like how cheryl n I motivate each other. But still alison is a super duper gd roomie! She is ever there to lend mi a listening ear. Love ya gal! Ya, i might start to pray whenever i need to.

little ones running through
stomping on the ground
feeling the touch of a pistol
a slight push, down lay one
seeking solace
turning away, it drips
life is a train on a steep edge.

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Hectic life

Another week passes by filled with excitment, frustrations, sporty, stressful, starvation, enjoyment.

Excitment
Yanni's birthday falls on wednesday. Sirius decided to give her a surprise at hall 16. At 11.30, those staying including in staying hall 7 went over with her birthday cake. Thanks chun for the ride :) Ordered mac by mak... we were in the lounge. Lights off, yanni walked in... birthday song was sang. There is this unexplainable feeling or peace i felt. We had fun playing zhong ji mi ma, the snake game , mrt game.
It was the snake n mrt game tt kathleen n I had no choice but to agree that hall 7 girls like us do not have the sense of lamer others do. Or izzit we have no brains? Lol.. we are the only two who knew the trick after many times of ' again , again!' n still gave the blur look. N silly me, ask a qns tt is the ans.

Frustrations...sporty
Wednesday... I had a rather bad day with biz law tutorial n FM seminar. I DISLIKE having to speak in class. Not a vocal person at all. So this sucks when it comes to class participation. Had this PRC tutor who pronouns present values as prison values. The speed he is talking can immediately make my head drop on the table. Worst still, i do not have the same lecture notes nor the tutorial worksheet. Lessons end at 5.30... alison called to ask mi play netball for interblock games. With my mindset , i seriously not up to play but still went as there isn't any enuff pple. Game suppose to start at 6.15, we started only at 7? All of us were late. Hmm my block won :) though i think i fouls a few times n nv really play. Tennis on tuesday was the best! I won without playing the 1st females doubles as block 38 has no girls participating. N i lost without playing too cos the guys lost 2 matches. Great, i change n warm up for nothing...
Tennis trials sucks bad time! Their standard is super high .. n someone like cheryl n I who could not play well under pressure juz gotta get our ass out of the courts.

Stressful
Wenli, i totally agree with u that whoever says uni life is much easier than jc..hell with them! At this moment in time, i dun see it tt way. Given that i have to do my readings n tutorial till early morning every single day? It like so not me in sch days last time. Yea, more activities in hall but still y such a tremendous change? Anyway, will still work hard for as long as i can :)

Starvation
Hall 7 being isolated on this small NTU island. Foods is available on climbing uphill but still inconvenient. Laziness play a heavy role so i dun really have a proper diet. Most of the time having eat 1 meal per day n snacks ard in betw when i like it. Sleeping late will jus make u feel hungry ... so far not so much of supper this week. Jus tt dinner was super late which i think more towards supper time ya? I shall stock up more foods. Btw , i have a fridge already! Yea.. can buy chocolates le!


My parents arrive already.. time to leave. This is enjoyment - family love :)

This is a business that breaks your heart. You're emptying an ocean with a teacup, and every time you think you make a difference, the ocean fills up again faster than you can look.

36-4-688

Dear diary

I almost completed my entry BUT this com jus doesn't like mi ! It disappear... i'm so angry. Argh

Will try to recall what i wrote...

Sch has finally started yup. N give mi a round of applause for having a 5 day week when chun wei can get a 2 day week lor.

Hall life is not as bad as i thot it would be as compared to Alison. Perhaps she's rite... in camp we were feeling tired, dirty n thus the other place that came to mind will be ur home. Thus this explains our homesick :)"

Went to yanni room that day.. hall 16 is so alluring! Everything is new n close to heart. But hall 7 gave mi a different feeling. People are friendly there... n maybe cos iknow more pple in hall 7 too. Hall 16 with the air con n new environment , so it's hard to be close to pple near u.











time to dress out n party all night long!

Hall camp

Dear diary,

The silence of familiar voices
The scenary of familiar places
The smell of delicious foods
The feeling of blissful


A room of empty spaces
A lack of happy faces
A solidary environment
A feeling of being abandon


Staring out of the 4 walls
Lies a recogizable panarama
Out of the room
Stands 100 over souls


Survivor was the theme
Tough was the word
Reality Tv all became true
Running has to be everyone forte


When day falls, dawn came
Struggling with time
You yearn to close your eyes
Only to think of your loved ones


Awoke wishing you were there
Only to realise, it was a dream
A dream you truly wanted to be real
How difficult can life be?


Back to the small beachy island
Being the smallest no of survivors,
We manage to be the champion early in the morning
Lady luck wasn't smiling in the afternoon


Dinner was simple n nice
The night is still young
Soon, we were living in darkness
Performing stuns you thought you would


With sticking gluing stuffs everywhere
The weather changed
Begun to shiver
Felt like puking


A sharp pain on my right
Extra shirt was worn over
Cold was all I could felt
Home was all I think of


Written on my forehead was
I'm a show gal. Name it n i'll show it.
My hair was damn nice
Guess most of the seniors had a part to play


Gross was the word to describe
Took hours to bathe
Woke up 1 hour late
Had oily breakfast n headed home



I feel my throat begin to close and my eyes well up with tears because I know it is time for you to go. The look you give me at that moment haunts me. I feel your saddness and my own loneliness, and the ache in my heart that had been silent only a short time grows stronger as you release me. And then you spread your arms and step back into the fog because it is your place and not mine.


And I watch with breaking heart as you slowly fade away. I find myself straining to remember everything about this moment, everything about you . But soon, always too soon, your image vanishes and the fog rolls back to its faraway place and I am alone on the pier and I do not care what others think as I bow my head ad cry and cry and cry.

Hall camp

Dear diary,

I'm now in my hall camp. It was not as fun as NBS camp n i'm home sick! I miss my bed, air con, family n the feeling of home! :(

Going to sentosa today... my timetable is a five day week with mon-wed... there is only 2 hrs of lessons lo. Damn sian! Can't i have a 4 or 3 day week?

@deine=> homesick

Packing all day long

Dear diary,

Woke up at 12+.. i felt so blessed that i was at home. Had a long dream or rather a nightmare.

Hall 4 ... my sisters, parents n students all tied up. walking pass them with 3 packets of foods - chay kuay tiao, bak ku teh n nasi lemak. They ate hungrily.. continued my walk 3 to 2 to 1. the whole singapore is there.

Hall 1.. facing a big screen. There was a face. then, a few... disappear. Appear 6 faces which look like those wearing The Scream mask. Oh dear.. they walked out from the screen! Immediately, the group of us including mi kneel down. Our face were facing the ground.

I felt the person behind me being pulled away. No sounds at all... all vaccum. Soon, my turn! Terrified i was but then when i looked up, i saw the hk actor. He let mi go. I asked for my sisters along but NO. He refused.. i could only bring 1 along. He asked for reasoning...

On the stage, i seem to be giving a talk. The actor cried n said my sisters are allowed to be with me. Everyone seems to be treating me as someone big.

Back to our old house at jurong. Level 10.. met korkor, we were walking down an endless flight of stairs. running away from people wearing orange. Level 7... we change route. Bragged into one ang moh hse cos sisters wanna go washroom. Korkor suddenly disappear... n then

'wake up! what time already still sleeping!' My dream stops ... it was the familiar voice which makes sisters n I so frustrated. Early in the day this happens means there will be no end for the rest of the day. Days like these.. i feel like sleeping outside home. that's where hostel will be of great help in future - a week more.

Wanted to bring my stuffs over today but hall office close :( Pack stuffs for NOTHING! Anyway my room will be quite cute i think with my cute bedsheets... think i will bringing my stuff toys over soon. I want to make my room more towards the beach theme. Seashells, dolphins, rainbow, clouds.. hee Just thinking over it makes mi smile. can cute mix with beach ? I think it can.. so winnie the pooh will be hanging out in the beach!

Tml i will be busy in my hostel le! Den hang around till 6pm for camp. Not very excited for camp though.. the thot of powder bath dun appeal to me. Bought along more stuffs than nbs camp.

@de|ine=> cross her fingers

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Shopping rawks!

dear diary,

I had an enjoyable day today with my girls - cheryl, rowena n melissa despite the 1st two being super late! N rowena waking up at 12+ when i'm suppose to meet her at 1pm. Anyway, i was late too haha.. but i went for my manicure at 1.45 n ended ard 3pm. Didn't it took so long .. i had blue nails right now with stars on my thumbs. Cost mi $11 so i think it was rather cheap. But still, i'm thinking gals are really spending way too much on hair, health n clothes... but it's life! We are born to do these... tt's how the money goes round around the earth rite?

Shopping trip commences at ard 3.30pm. Walk around n i'm looking for shorts. My hands are damn itchy , i just feel like spending alot today. Entered into this shop which sells half toys n half clothes. We all saw something we like except for melissa. I tried on a few shorts n finally my girls decided i look better the last piece which costs $32.90. It was under 10% discount then we asked for more.. that's when we say we are still student. so yea, 20% ... so we keep in view! Walk to the other shop.. we saw the exact shorts for rowena.. n it cost only $23 while hers was at $28 i think.

Bought them to the shop where i bought my belly button earrings... they took a very very SHORT time to choose the earrings ok. It is really very very SHORT! haha... i'm stressing it too much. total we bought 5 of it... n thanks to mi, they gt it at $4.50 each haha.

Went back to the 1st shop again cos i was very afraid my short is sold as it was the last piece n i think i really like it. So back there, i tried again n this time round.. the tops caught our eyes too. As we were taking a rather long time trying since there is only 1 fitting room, we share it. Tried on 3 shorts n 2 tops for me. Cheryl n rowena took hold of the same design but different colour. We told the guy, eh.. the shorts there sell $23 only leh.. so he calculate n say ok la, i charge u $21. Den i ask hmm.. mine u charge $25 la. Haha.. he agree! Big smile when we asked how much is the top which is at $25.90.. rowena n I agree tt if he sell us at $23 we will buy n -- the price he gave was $20. BUT.. gd thing nv last.. it was the last piece. Rowena rmbs tt the other shop also have it... so before we went to the ATM , we went to the other shop to ask for the price.. n it was $15 only .. the reason given, it was a little dirty but seriously i can't see anything! of cos.. we wouldn't let go this cheap top.

Withdraw $50 bucks.. total $80 today. Fly away 25, fly away 15 .. come back shorts, come back top. Bought a pair of earrings to match my top.. i think it's rather cute hee. Ytd sister show mi the webby that sells clothes online.. my heart xin dong le! I feel like buying tt off shoulder with halter. Nice n cheap :) but how to buy without mummy knowing it?

By the time we done with shopping.. it was 7+. I haven had a decent meal.. only with a doughnut when i woke up till then water. Went to the hawker near bugis.. n ate fried bee hoon. $1.70 only.. cheap n nice but oily. Yet to see any pencil case for school so went to wallet shop. I saw a few not bad one but being indecisive i nv buy.

Rowena n cheryl went to town while meli left cos she is nt feeling well n me... not being home with my family the past few days , i just dun feel good. Moreover, hall camp is coming n i'm moving to hall. I'm gonna miss home so much! Going to hall means i must learn to cook - or can i eat magi mee everyday? Tomyam flavour is nice.. mee goreng also nice! anyway mee goreng for the past two days n i still craving for more right now!

Back home, i realise i haven talk to my parents for a decent 15 mintues for the past 3 days. So tml i'm going to stay home n only go out with my family! Needa pack my hall stuffs.. thanks melvin for helping mi to think of what to buy for my sp :) 7-11 i'm coming tml!

Yesterday I kinda regret doing something. I shouldn't have agree to star gazing at night! Though it was nice but i still feel weird. Moreover the place is at sentosa which i once had my worst experience there too... so afraid my nightmares will come again. But thankfully it never .. thank god! Nex time i better think hard before making any decision esp when i'm alone! Nevertheless, star gazing is something i never did b4.. nt including the one in obs :) Just chit chat... n had 3 miss call from home which i thot was from mum.. but it was from my sister. Went home ard 1am.


i like this!

distorted on purpose

1st day as a salesgirl

Dear diary,

Woke up at 10.15am though my alarm was at 10.30 .. too excited i supposed. Watched tv then went to bathe. From 11 till 12 , i was walking around my house, double check if i m missing out anything. Finally I got myself out of the house n off to bugis street. My 1st day n 1st time as a salesgirl. Stood outside for the shop to be open...
time passes tick tock tick tock... no business.
1st item sold - a dress. for $19.
.
.
.
.

one of the more 'interesting' thing that happen today was 2 ah gua who came into the shop. They took 3 of the $5 item n asked mi to charge them 3 for $12. i refused cos $5 is really damn cheap ok! Then they started to touch mi n saying can la, u see.. the thread coming out. see the button like falling off. Wth! so many complaints dun buy la.. still touch mi! so gross ok. I super cannot stand them.. hear their voice also i wanna go argh.. shut up! i dun understand what u talking. I give in so tt they will stop 'sayang' me. disgusted!

regina came over... den came allan. Thanks for buying me dinner n the bird nest.. the carrot cake was nice! Avena n fang lay came by too.. never expect them to come though :) hmm, lyn came over too. When they were there, i manage to try on some of the clothes lyn recommended n some is i want to try. Wore this black dress which i quite like it. but like what cheryl says, maybe i just like it now but not in the long run. not buying! Looking forward to sat to shop for shorts with rowena, cheryl n meli have our very own foods tasting.

After we closed the shop, i was thinking if i shuld go find my camp frens or go home.. but i really dun wan to go home so i pester lyn n gang to accompany mi to anywhere. They insist on having their impt lecture tml lor... so must come up with a jue zhao. So i decided to treat them supper.. well done girls - immediately say OK! Had maxwell porridge n noodles... ta bao porridge home for my family to share.

Yea, will be receiving seashell from my 'bro'. haha, so sweet.. despite the mirky sea, u are still able to get mi a seashell. Thanks so much! No supper nvm, th seashell will make do :)

tml gonna be another day of - slacking. n ya, hopefully meeting e2 gang. Dai dee n drinks on ur hse fang lay yea?

@deline=> the debts are increasing!

post foc at sentosa

Dear diary,

After a whole day with sirius.. i can't help but falling in love with sirius. There's a breakfast meeting at 9.45 n i was expecting alot of pple but the truth is - everyone just loves bed more than breakfast! So end up only regina, mi n 4 seniors at macdonalds. Waited as usual for more pple n off we are to sentosa!

We played frisbee ... this time i really perspire lots.

Had lots of juicy news though i dun really know alot. After all i'm still rather low profile , in a big group i will never be the attention hee. I do not like atttention :)

Had singing session with yii ying, yuen bo n the guitarist cos qingfu had his guitar ... gosh, admire is the word.

This is my 1st time wearing bikini .. feel damn fat lor n cannot make it. I needa lose some weight but it's tough! i love eating too. How?

Went to marina square for dinner. Is really a mass dinner .. everyone went to get their foods den we gather just outside marina square. think we could be caught of illegeal gathering if there's a police passing by. N there, we were back to our questionaire of the nite again! Went round with names of the opp sec begin said. N we have to rate the person recommend to us.. i felt so mean! had lotsa scandals going around n i ended up knowing one secret . Shhhh

Tmr it's my turn to work at bugis! But there's also og outing, being broke i choose money than spending it! So i decided to go to the library to borrow some books to keep me company. Hope i dun screw up anything .. n yea, i may have time to try on the clothes i like n buy them whaha. Just book my facial appointment this morning the min i woke up, luckily there's an empty slot. So shuang! today facial is not painful at all! Got massage , mask - damn cooling! I love this life haha. All thanks to daddy. got a call, hall camp next monday to 5 aug. Excited? not really... i need more sleep.


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Foc

Dear diary,

I'm finally back from FOC - Freshman Orientation Camp in NBS in Ntu. Sirius Rawks!!!

1st day, we were slacking alot n was rather bored by the talks in the lecture room. hmm, the food is quite bad n i didn't had a single bite of the chicken. OO, we had field games in NTU. Fun!! Sirius won all the stations... hurhur. One of the games is gross - we had to sit on the chairs with eggs, soy sauce , flour n some other things. In the night, we were blindfolded n was asked if know how to swim n trapped water for about 30seconds. We were told that we will be going down a slide n down to the water. While we were blindfolded, our seniors will guide us around. nicole, mi n zi ying were asked to hold a big leaf. Also, we are supposed to shout a opposite sex name so that he will save u. In the end, we slided down a long slope filled with soapy water. Wanted to shout when i felt like how come the slide is not ending but landed soon. Lol, felt quite cheated lo esp by my jjc seniors. anyway, i drop into a hole when climbing up the slope n got scratches all over my left leg.

2nd day, went to sentosa n played lots of games. The weather was damn hot! Took part in one of the sea games where we were to sit on the shoulders of a guy n had to pull our opponent girl down. I was the first to drop cos too kan chiong. Also played frisbee.. the game is so taxing as u had to run on the sand. It was fun though - brings back memories to our e2 times. Sirius is a very zi high grp...
Had fright nite... we were blinded folded 1st then one of the ghost unfolded me. they were nt scary so i said hello. haha think they are quite sian. I was grouped with zhixiong, kathleen n one more guy( opps, 4got his name). 1st station, i was asked to pick up a note on the ghost left. Was so scare tt i forgot where is her left... den 2nd station kathleen did it. the most scary part for mi is the sudoku part. While walking up the slope, i'm like saying - ghost please b kind to me. There, a ghost directed mi into sth like a room. when i peeked in, i was horrify by sudoku cos she is wearing red n with her long hair covering half of her face. The ghost beside her asked mi to comb her hair. The moment i comb, she scream damn loud, i was shocked n dropped the comb. It was this station tt make mi more afraid n tear.

3rd day
Had pool games but i cannot take part cos of my period. So sian! Just stand there n cheer for my grp:) It was the day we had to perform that night. Had a dance n a skit. We won the best n humourous perormance! Well done sirius. It really means alot to us cos we only came out with everything on tuesday nite in sentosa. Then came the secret pal nite. My secret pal is frm njc, play hockey n he likes jay's songs. Try to tell him lames jokes but my seniors very fast said the answers le. No fun :( We nv talk anything very interesting though. He's a good guy.

4th day
we had shi zhi lu kou today! Yummy foods in chinatown - durians, fried sweet potatoes balls, sauguages, peanut paste, chay kuay tiao. All of us are walking with our hair stuck with gel, leaves, flowers - look like aliens in the streets haha.. but evening time the girls are getting ready to meet our secret pals. Haha... we are like having matchmaking sessions. Put of makeup, wear meimei... n see how the guys got made fun with pole dance, eat 'kaya' bread.. n lotsa of different stuns. My sp is a senior so i was the last few to leave. we went on double date with another guy senior to clark quay. My sp is so hungry cos he didn't get to eat almost the whole day - poor thing! Anyway, we had dinner in like a beer place so the food ain great. After which, we walk to club momo n there the party begins. Enjoyed myself :)

5th day
Went ard ntu to play our finale games... then got forfeit but it's not our fault. damn pai seh can? The guy was told to do 30 pumpings with the gal lying on the floor n we had to sing xiao wei. hmm, den came the ending of the FOC - gave out best freshie award frm each grp then did the shake hand thingy n finally i stayed back for dinner with Sirius.


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Sirius rawks!!!

Pre foc

Dear diary,

Meet up with the people in my group for the camp which is tml - Sirius. We had some ice breaker, learn new cheers which i seriously sucks at it. Maybe it was the first time meeting them n i'm alone so i do not feel really comfortable. Separated ourselves in two groups - 1 for the banner design n the other to work out a performance. I decided to join the banner grp cos i think it's easier :)

Only had a day to complete our banner which is today. Meet up for lunch, den went to istana park n filled up on eof the pathway to get our work going. I think our banner is nice n the dog is really cute. It's just like a pre foc - rather nice to know them actually. Hopefully i will be able to make some good friends yup.

Gonna get myself to pack my camp stuffs. Have to wake up at 5.30am, took a train/bus to the place i m so familiar with - boon lay station.

Till then.. do miss me! hee.

see you guys next weekend!

Day with melissa

Dear diary

Melissa came over to have lunch with me , we had kfc - still wanna act young ar by buying student meal hurhur. Anyway we walked to n from my house to anhcorpoint then queensway. Thanks meli for treating mi fondue at haagen daz. yummy but it is too much for the 2 of us.. had to stuff into my stomach cos it's expensive to waste it. Finally meet up since erm when was it tt we last met? It's nice ya to see each other again once in a while :)


see that chocolate? gosh.. how yummy can it gets haha

Today is korkor birthday. Happy 22 birthday if u r reading this but quite unlikely la u this pig. Only know how to play game, slp n disturbs ur 3 good sisters. Had dinner together.. food not so nice!

I want to be me really but i can't.

Being a good daughter is really important to them. How much i wanted to have late nites with my frens but i turn them down because of them.
Y?
Cos i want to spend more time at home to show that i m good? Rubbish! How can i express to them that staying out late at nite doesn't mean that I am playful or getting worst?

It so hard... after all these years I strive n struggle for them ( n partly myself too). I know the debts that i owe goes way beyond the walls of our home. The best u provided me I really appreciated it... but the best u gave me never fails to stress me out.

Times when I really feel like I need a wall to break through , u never understand. Of the 4 , u told me ' You make us feel proud of you.' I'm really touched, I am. But to achieve this sentence of yours make me go through years of hell. Of cos, it good for my future like u always said.

When i was 14 , i remember so clearly that day - that night. But they left me alone with the dark brown wooden block. I curse n swear never to forgive - for u left me the moment i really needed so much more than ur freaking dinner! The words u said make me look down on you.

Can I be a bad gal just for once, please?

The few mintues chat with rowena n cheryl was a blessing. It was hilarious when their senior actually asked ' are u two together?' Haha.. laugh till my head wanna drop. Can't blame the seniors for popping that question after all the same colour rubber band, same swim suit, similiar dressing... lol. Can't wait to see u girls again.. but when? Won't be home for almost the whole of next week den with the job following n sch starts the next. Gosh... can you give mi more time? This time I won't complain that it's long.. i promise.

@deine=> whining

Zouk

Dear diary,

I was pacing down my hall up and down since the moment i woke up yesterday. Was I too excited about nite? Ya i think very much so. Had my nails painted, watched tv, play com n slp for an hour till dinner. Only told mum about it so when i was getting ready ard 9... dad asked ' so late, still wan to go where?' I know he dunno what is zouk so i just say zouk. Haha, very bad i know.

Jain took cab down to my place to fetch me over. I felt awkard n scare after such a long time. In the cab, i told jain ' i felt like a bitch.' She happily laughing away ... Ladies nite = free entry :) Introducing me to mambo n back to my 1st place - phuture , the place where i stood for 2 hours n headed home. Sat down at mambo dance floor cos it's still early... den there's these 2 ang moh. Asked about happy hour and started to chat. Oh.. they are from usa. Heard something i think it's rather true... new jersey is not a nice place in usa. N from them, think 99% of the pple will say new jersey is nt nice! Alright... n i dun look like i'm 18. Shu yan came but forgot her Ic so jain had to go find her. Jain, u left mi alone with the ang mohs! i'm was scare but try to act calm. Follow them ard, saw denis's bro n zhiwen. Had our 1 for 1 orange vodka n 2 glasses of long island each frm someone beside cos he can't finish his jug. I think long island is nice but frm them, it's highly alcoholic. Worried i get drunk, i try to slow down with my drinking. Having someone to chat with is not so bad but not anything more :) Luckily with shu yan n jain around, they can deal with questions i do not know how to ans :) Mambo music rocks! Down on the dancing floor ... n walk over to shell station. They had cup noodles n i ate my yan yan then back to music. Miss calls from home twice at 3am , 3.15am. Had to go!

Nope... i'm not getting addicted to places like these. It gonna be once in a blue moon.
Woke up at 1pm n tennis later!

Good news from alison! We will be roommates.. yea! But i feel so terrible having to tell huiqi's fren about the last minute changes. Hate doing such things... very bad. Cos i wouldn't want her to play me out too if she got a fren last minute too. Mum says one person has to sacrifice, no choice. Alison is my secondary 2 partner in class. We wanted to study in the same class in sec 3 n 4 but she choose art thus differenent class. boo! Aim to go to the same jc but turn out to be opposite but nvm, we are in the same uni n roommates somemore! Excited ... we gonna mug n play together hehe.

@deine=> had lotsa fun gals :)

Late mornings

Dear diary,

Right now i m feeling so proud of myself. whahaha so happy :) Cos ... i m so satisfy with 'artwork' - my scrapbook pages. Feel like a genius. K, i may sound insane or maybe my 'artwork' is not nice to you but at least i put in hours n effort to do it. I just like it hee ( giggling to myself)


Love this lots! i drew n colour it myself - simple i know but it's the thoughts n effort that counts!


The very 1st piece that i truly adore


this is my bed cum my rubbish ground
Usually my bed is my victim during exams or even when i'm doing homework :P It's one thing I can't live without!
Mum used to place all the things that we do not want to keep on our bed so that when it's time to slp, we have NO choice but to be good n keep our stuffs. So i guess, it became my habit hehe. Shh.. actually i not so messy one just sometimes *winks*
Don't my bedroom looks like some children room with all the stuff toys n humpty dumpty wallpaper?


My study table since I was pri 5. See those papers on my whiteboard? They are some mathematics formulas n study schedules. Everything a scrapbook maker needs :P

Cold wars between parents ain't doing good for kids. Second day ... n i m the only one who knew what happens n knew about this cold war since nobody senses it. Few words, going out alone are hints. Yesterday i took the sufferings by having to eat 2 meals with each of them , nvm about having more food but it's the same food - subway. Both have same thots n taste huh. Stuck in the middle of NOWHERE. Great... tml nite i m going out. How am i suppose to tell them? Told mum today but she no reaction leh. Dun dare to tell daddy - i do not want him to think that i'm getting bad. It's not a bad thing but to our parents, it is! WHY??? Wish me luck ... I'm trying to be a good girl for these two days by not going out with hope of staying out at nite tml. (cross my fingers)

To my dearest bf, cheryl... Happy 19th Birthday my dear! Horhor.. old le. Now in nus camp should be having lots of fun rite? Hope ur secret pal is someone nice :) Wanted to give u a surprise but too bad.. u're not fated whaha. If only ur ntu appeal is successful then we will be able to see each other everyday le for at least 1 yr? Argh... things are just not meant to be that way. Anyway, may ur university life rocks n study hard ya. N bless us with a friendship that is round... get what i mean? hehe, love ya gal!

@deine=> is tml gonna be the right day?

Precious moments

Dear diary

On friday, jain n me went town. She got herself a number of stuffs :) N i got myself 1 stuff - neo prints. I wore the wrong footwear to go shopping. So my feets hurts when i reached home. But i enjoy jain's company.. like nothing much to talk but still can crap all the way from we meet till we go home. We walked from taka to wisma den to taka n back to wisma again n finally to centre pt den to hereen -> cinleisure (for dinner) -> far east -> home sweet home :P


Sat morning , the tennis girls are supposed to meet at 9am on the court but everyone seems to have the common thot of coming late. I woke up at 8am , walk myself to the bus stop near the police station. When i reached the traffic light near qweensway, i realised i didn't had my ezlink card with me! Damn it. i was feeling very warm despite the short distance. Had to drag myself back home n decided to slack a while hee. So coincidence having to meet suxian everytime we have tennis trainings :) We were the 1st 2 to reach there. Soon everyone is on the court, i kinda miss those times we had training together or rather hearing them gossiping lol, cos i m always the one lag behind of everything. Our captain- grace became so fair n she is in nursing in nee ann poly :P Vice captain- cheryl is leaving next tuesday to australia perth. Me, xiang ying n sim yee going to Ntu yea.. n su xian to nus business admin :) Our jj tennis courts finally is new! So nice to play on new courts , the feeling is different. Had lunch at swensen till 3plus...
At night, daddy treat us ice cream though i wasn't feeling tt well but the name of ice cream just brighten mi up. Looks like i m influenced by jain on the ice cream cravings.. So i had swensen ice cream twice today. Met malcolm there.

Slacking my day away

Dear diary,

Tuesday
Had my facial den went to auntie connie house to see jasmine's baby. It's amazing to see a little life come to our world. He's so cute with his big eyes... Saw jasmine wedding photos n video. Oh.. so sweet! Somehow i feel so touched when the groom sang to his bride about his feelings n how he will love her forever. It would be a blessing moment if next time the person i love do the same to me :) Jas looks gorgeous in her wedding gown, i think every woman looks best on their wedding day rite? I forgo going to the doctor 2day .. i had the nightmares so i rather slp well tonight n go tml.

Wednesday
Wait for damn long in the polyclinic just to see the doc for like 5-10 minutes n was told i was refer to the heart centre in sept. Y can't they get over n done with? Walk around in people's park cos my mum wanna buy tea leaves but ended up buying other stuffs cos she couldn't find the tea leaves. Ate koo kee noodle n some mini buns - yum yum. As usual, i flopped on the bed once we reached home. Did some scrapbooking later in the night on niagara falls - i shall keep everything simple n nice! Was on the phone for hours i think... watched soccer for a while n zzz.

Woke up so late today, i wonder y. Haven had my breakfast nor lunch yet n the time now is 3.23pm. Not hungy leh.. n it's time to go on diet rite? Alright, stopping b4 i get some knocks on my head.


@deine-> more scrapbooking

Soccer cum scrapbooking

Dear diary,

Daddy n korkor damn lucky lor! I think majority of the world would have bet England n Brazil to get into the semifinal instead of Portgual n France la. There my sisters n I were saying 'kor, y u so silly? england n brazil sure win one lor!' N there we ask dad n said ' papa, y u follow ur silly son?' In the end, my silly kor n dad won both matches. So depressed! That england vs port was not really fair. Poor beckham...
Brazil vs fra was an interesting match though brazil lost. Interesting as in the way the commentor gave his comment was funny. Well, it's all over - the fun is over.

Sunday
Tennis under that bloody hot sun! I played 1.5 hr of tennis , walk ard westmall while waiting for my parents. Join them at the coffee shop with all the aunties n uncles. Had 1 hour of driving ard after i reach home with dad den learn more parking. Slp like a pig the whole afternoon! forgot what in did at night , watch tv?

Monday
Packed! Hair treatment ... hang ard in IMM till 2pm n went to NTU for medical checkup. I was like a little kid throwing tantrum at mum.. partly, i dunno where the place is n was hoping she drive me there.n party the thot of checkup jus pissed mi off, making mi frustrated. Took shuttle bus to jp n took 179 in. I dropped at the correct bus stop but walk overshot the place. I spent 45 minutes finding the place from admin building to student services centre den to business sch n finally medical centre. Wait not so long... yea i grew taller! but i grew fatter too - that's bad!(whining) perfect eyesights! Enter the doc room alone is scary. Check blood pressure 1st ( i tink) den heartbeat. Hmm i have heart murmur - 2 sound of my heartbeat. Not serious but doc recommend me to see specialist just for a more detailed checkup. Fated ar.. the more u dun like sth, the more it is likely to come to u. Went to jain house today! Hee.. i'm so honoured! I think i practically nv do much cos she help mi think of how to do the layout, n all i have to do is cut , paste n arrange. She's so creativity! Love her art works :) Thanks so much!

@deine=> bad memories appear

Friendship

Dear diary,

On thursday, I drove my dad's car. Felt the pressure afterall it's an expensive n my dad's fav car. It was so much difficult from my bro car - it is far more stable n i dun feel it going fast despite the km/hr i saw. Daddy tried to teach me to park the car but stupid me still cannot make it! Gosh.. i'm such an idiot. Tennis with uncle james was nice :) Haven been tennising for 1 week n my stamina just automatically deteriorate. After tennis, quickly rush home to get bathe n had my dinner. Met up with melissa n cheryl at tanah merah station n head towards the airport. We were going to sent chelle off. I didn't feel as sad till the point we hugged n saw her back facing us when she checked in. Can't imgaine if i were in her state at that point, i probably will keep tearing as i walk to the plane. As much as i wish i could go overseas to study, i didn't wanna to leave without my friends n family. But chelle, i'm sure 3 years will going to be over in a blink of ur eye even before we knew it.
Anyway, the 11 of us who were there to sent chelle off - MISS THE LAST TRAIN! We could only get ourselves to tanah merah station. Luckily for me, i get to catch my last bus with cheryl. While the others had no choice but to take cabs home. Cheryl sleepover at my hse. Our bus trip was damn long! 1 hour at least.. it was midnight already yet the bus still travel at a rather slow speed.
Friday
I bought another pair of footwear for just $10 from URS sales in anchorpoint. Hehe, it's pointed with shiny glitters n heels. I like it :) Didn't even realise how many pair of footwears i bought till I was counting while avena n I were shopping in far east. I bought 7 pairs already after my A levels! That's one nike dunk, 3 with heels, 2 pumps n 1 sandal. gosh.. that's alot lor. Think of it, i can quite confidently say that now half of clothes in my wardrobe are bought after my a levels. Cos i 'imported' 14 tops from USA. n bought lots of clothing since i was working as a relief teacher then. Now i know where all my money goes to. Plus the expenses which my sisters would say share but end up is I pay for the cosmetics.



Alright, going to my 1st scrapbook class. It was fun! I didn't think my work was nice , it didn't bring out the colours of my pictures however i like my background. It looks incompleted without words... Nvm, this is my 1st piece only! So elated that I'm gonna get help for an art expert - jain today :) We're going to ikea first for jain's furniture. Den we'll go to art friend in taka to get my materials. Just worry about the amount i gonna need to spend in there. N she will be coming over to my house n get my scrapbook thingy going! Hee.. i'm so excited. Tonight we'll be busy with my scrapbook while catching the WC. Hopes england go through :) Should be ok cos portugual has 2 players with red cards n c. ronaldo might not recover yet. Haiz, i dun feel like letting hamid to coach me anymore. 1st, is i'm really lazy to get my ass down to bukit batok taking that long trip home when i'm so tired after tennis. 2nd is i don't learn anything new.. it's always been the forehand n backhand that i'm practising for the past 1 year plus. 3rd, uncle james can teach me everything within a hour n it makes me feel great. I learnt volley, service n practice my ground strokes too. At least, i can do volley now n serve balls with speed. But the problem is when sch starts, i might not have time on every thursday to learn from uncle james. How? Tml morning there's tennis at 9am... it's bad cos it means i have to slp early tonight which i m not gg to! It's frustating having to think so much.

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to obedience and warmth. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?