Why do i feel this way?

Dear diary,

i'm feeling real down right now.. i'm lost. i feel like going out .. away from everyone cos i felt so cheated throughout my whole life. I'm not sure if this is a moment of being rash or it's really what i think is just my own feelings n imagination. just before i grumble, i would like to thanks melissa n my friends for accompanying mi out yesterday. nice to see u all again... mel n i went shopping den jx join us as usual... after that i meet my secondary school classmates( melvin, wai leong n winson) to watch movie - cursed.. i din realli know what it was about but i was frightened at some parts of the movie. den we went to eat near the esplande-makansutra. after we hav eaten , we went near to the sea, i like the feeling-the feeling of peace as the wind blows away all my troubles. Reached home only after 12am.. woke up this morning den slack slack till afternnon went shopping wif mummy. lol, we went to pray den go bugis village n i brought another top.. oh ya yes mel n i bought the same top but diff colour. quite cool ya? yupz, den we shop till 6 plus n i went to meet zy who make mi walk for so long to reach west coast park. make mi sweat like one kind! haha, but it's kinda of fun to walk with him cos he make mi laugh all the way...but still scare tt he bring mi anyhow walk ... luckily we reached there but it's like 30-45 minutes lor. the bbq was alright cos we dunno alot of ppl.. so i left shortly after mel left...
During my bus journey, i've been thinking alot... i think about my friendship with my close friend. I cried cos i felt disappointed, i felt being used, i felt like a fool... maybe all these are just my thinkings n it's unfair to say u these way cos maybe u nv feel that u treated mi like this before. Or maybe being unattached i can't feel the way u have for him.. that he is more important than ur 'best friend'. well, i can't balme u for i know what type of person he is... but i'm upset with u cos u dun realise that u have neglected ur friend. What m i to you? A ball? so when u r sad, when u r happy, when u really need someone to talk to n couldn't find one.. u'll find mi? will update someday again.. i can't take it anymore .. my eyes r hurting.. i felt so heavy, my eyes are full of liquid that i can't see what i'm typing..