reflection

Dear diary,

Today I had my professional imaging lessons... its pretty interesting though i as feeling hungry throughout the start of the lesson till break time. Nevertheless, i wish there were more AUs for this module cos it's more fun than other of the other I have to go through.


[ ignore this... i need a place to vent my frustrations]
Slept for 1.5hr when i came home den went to tea garden Macdonald with my youngest sis. I was hoping I can concentrate in reading the readings... but i took a million yrs to understand what I'm reading la. So frustrated! Argh.. i feel like screaming. I'm suppose to learn about accounting which i thought was more on calculations? But what the hell m i doing in this stupid accounting course having to question my level of understanding of those alienated ENGLISH words. This is not accounting.. this is testing my comprehension and patience. I hate this. Neither writing nor reading English is my strength. I used to fail my English especially for paper 2 since I was in primary school n wonder how the hell I could get a B3 for my GP paper when I have a F9 in the preliminary (i thot tt was my worst nightmare ever) Finally I thought I scrapped through it. It's not tt I don't like English but I just not good at my languages. Bloody hell, I wish there is no such thing like presentations or answering questions in those lengthy words which you wanna to get across to ppl . Instead express everything in numbers, at least that was what I wish when I was reading that pieces of shit this afternoon. How I miss those challenging moments against my ability to solve the mysteries n feel this sense of smartness in me. The thought of accounting course makes me feel like I'm insane.
WHAT AM I DOING?

I feel like changing course. Perhaps the one I always wanted is a better choice.

I dun care if anyone were to tell me tt i'm always looking at the negative side of life. Because I'm so sick of this... i'm indecisive, stress, no life. Of cos, i do have my good side but does it matters? It doesn't! Right now if someone offer me a wish, I hope he will grant me wisdom. I feel like a baby turtle trying so hard to stay alive cos every now then I'm so afraid of getting washed up to the shore n getting eaten up by the eagle.

Sometimes I wanna tell you how I feel yet I do not want you to get angry or upset about it. As close as we were, there are still some stuffs that I have to keep away from you. It's hard. As much as I want you to know how I feel, I am so reluctant because I know your difficulties, your thoughts. I put myself in your shoes and I do understand. The thought of your expression prevent me from doing so. Your hopes are so high that I'm so afraid to disappoint you. So afraid that I will hurt you silently. I do appreciate everything you have done for me. Deep inside I pray that someday you will put yourself in my shoes and understand what I'm going though. Although this day will never come cos you will never read this. I just hope that when this period passed, I'll be a better and happier person than I'm now.


I watched license to wed with cynthia, lyn, avena, yx, martin n shamus. The show is funny ... I enjoyed myself just now. Went spize for supper... so full n fatty haha.

There's so many many thoughts running
Till the point where sleeping seems so tough
One tries to look beyond the sky
Wondering what's above it
Is it the sun? water? air?
Or is there an airplane?
Throwing one's hands up with the eyes close
One dreams the most beautiful image that came to mind
A smile came across
Droplets of water came falling down
The sky was touched and sad
Sky cried.
There, sky is one's only friend.
All because sky shares the image of one.