exams are finally over

Dear diary,

I've finally tide through this half a year in uni... this long yet short 2 weeks, there seems to be endless thoughts passing through my mind. However, thanks to all the people around mi whom i study with, giving me moral support which i needed so much. Thanks!


Blessing of bubbles floating in the air
Felt your love and care
It means so much to me
Hiding in a corner, from a distant from you
The feeling of long lost love came stumbling upon
Making me realise...
U stand a place within me far more than i know

This holiday seems a little different from others cos of hall activities.
Hopefully it will still be fun though the travelling to n from will be tiring!
Going to vivo city later with nicole for shopping n movie :) wanna get a new wallet, pair of low heels ...
Last night i was angry. I lost all the photos in the computer, everything was gone cos my sister save the wrong folder and the computer was reformat! Damn... all the photos of memories are gone :( I'm so frustrated... is there anyway where the com is reformat n still able to retrieve the lost files?

@deine => wishing for an endless holiday

A year older

Dear diary,

How lucky can I having to celebrate the day i was born for 4 consecutive years when coping with examinations :( Had my IT paper yesterday morning which i shall not elaborate cos I'm jus an IT dummy.

Went home ard 3 plus today ... slack around till dinner time. Thanks to my family especially daddy who brought me to Michelango ( nt very sure how to spell it) , a very expensive place to go. DUn think i will ever step in there without having a heavy pocket. We actually spend around 45 minutes going to holland den to bukit timah n back to holland again.. just to decide where to eat :P This restaurant is famous for it's pasta.. we ordered 6 plates to share. Yummy.. but i feel damn bad when the bill come. It cost $255! Gosh.

I have been staying in hall alone for the past few days.. being alone is so sad and gloomy. I dun like it.. it's always nice to have someone for companion. N this makes mi think twice about gg back to hall tml morning. Studying with friend is nice.. but staying at home makes u feel so cosy. Now that i have to go back tml morning, i shall go to my cosy bed to slp for that few hours.. b4 heading back to the 4 walls. Can anyone please invent a teleport or a machine which allows me to travel one place to another within like a few minutes? It really makes my life so much better!

I'm so not prepared for the exams for next n following week. So dead!

lovely bed n aircon makes u feel good..

happy birthday to myself :)

Is it right?

Dear diary..

It's hari raya pusa - public holiday! But what m i doing in hall right now.. when i can go home n enjoy family love and cosy environment. Had to stay in hall cos of FM project almost the whole day. I miss home badly last night .. i dunno y when the past three days at home i wasn't feeling happy at all. Or was i really moody.. or was it the amount of work i had to complete just turn me off.
Last friday, i told mummy ' can i eat something nice?' I never asked a question like this in my entire life but somehow i asked her. I must have sounded I m starving in hall to her. Actually last week, i was really stressed up over my accounting quiz tt i really didn't feel like eating at all that whole week.

It didn't turn out to what I thought i might have felt after the quiz. Some regrets over things here n there.. but it's over. No point turning back on stuffs that u cannot change anything. I can only say.. I really tried my best.


Something crop up... affected!

It's nearing

Dear diary,

I've been rushing through all my tutorials for next week so that i can start studying my accountancy quiz next week. But time seems to run away faster than i expected. Everything planned was DESTROYED!

Time... is so priceless, so fast.

It's sinking so badly.. drowning deep down under the sea
keep swimming to look for the precious pearls
sometimes there's hope upon seeing an osyter shell
but when u open it, it's empty.
felt as if there isn't any chances of finding them
under the big sea w/o directions
it's tough.
Is it time to give up?

Went to the new shopping centre today , i think it's called vivo city. It's like one of the shopping malls in USA. Big stores with lotsa varieties. Bought a pair of shorts from Nichille. Like it :)

read my mind if you can...

I like them!

How wonderful life can be ...
Sitting around the table with homecooked foods
What is unique is not about the food..
Is about the people you are having with.
Interesting saturday at Fang Lay's house, with all my secondary sch friends.
We've Kah Chong, Denis n Fang Lay to be the chief for the day!
Had a table 2 plates of different kinda eggs, tomato cum chili sauguage n potatoes, wan tan soup, sting rays, nuggets, sotongs, oat prawns.. sounds delicious? Yea!
Nice nice.. with all the conversation, laughter. I feel that we are like back to the e2 family!

Was thinking like next time when we are older, can meet up every weekend n do the same thing.. even till we get married with kids haha. That'll be fun huh? lol.. but i dun wanna grow old!

Happy time with my fav hang out peeps tonight though the haze is really bad.
Gosh, gonna play tennis tml morning with such bad weather is horrible.

@deine=> it's worth putting aside time for your frens:") they bring happiness...

Happy happy

Smiling today :) Haha.. izzit b'cos of the weekend? or izzit i've almost recover?
Whatever.. i feel slightly - ya SLIGHTLY mad today.

Went to celebrate mooncake festival at my parent's fren place.
Played with the little kids :) n talked to pple of our X generation. Cool..
Everyone in the X generation is LAME!

The weather is bad.. the haze is bad
School is bad... tutorials are bad
My room is good.. my bed is good
Weekend is the best... sleeping is fanastic!

I'm so going to sleep! goodnite pple :)

~i wish i can sleep like no tomorrow~

Recovering?

i thot it's time to turn in...
hell NO. Walking back n forth on the pathway.

Slept ard 3 plus 4? Found info on accounting project.
Drank my cough sryrup hoping it wil make mi more drowsy.


The weather is damn bad! Stupid haze...

Gave tuition just now, came home.
Lie on the bed.. took pills for headache.

Haven ate anything thing since i woke up.
Drink my milo.. ya, tt's all i had.
To avoid mi having to suffer thru the night again.

So sick...

Terrible day...

Woke up with jelly legs, hungry yet uncomfortable stomach
Next, i was sitting on the floor trying to control myself from puking
It didn't end there. i was feeling so weak. My back is aching

Went to sgh... took my report- everything is fine

Called n was fetched home. Headache, cough, flu, fever

I puke again shortly after i ate my brunch. Soon, korkor came home with a bag of medicine. He's down too with headache n took leave. Everyone in the family is sick.

Went to the doctor.. n now i've to take 5 pills each time n drink the cough syrup which may cause drowsiness. Spend the whole day sleeping.

Don't feel like gg back to hall but it was so unlucky tt tml i've two tutorials which are rather impt. Argh...

What's wrong?

Dear diary

1st the whole world is doing projects... coping with assignment like bis law.
now the whole world is sick ... battling with the flu.

What's coming next?
Everyone will be stress ... facing deadlines, quizes, exams.

Well done!
Yea, so this is what uni life is all about.

Finally i understood.

Yanni.. it was fun last night. Haha as i look at my photos i think i look damn old. Prefer those tt i took with you :) Anyway, u are pretty. Should really consider letting ur hair down instead siriusly.

World of dizziness

Dear diary,

Weak... coughing here n there. Having headache ; not sure if it is my illness or is it that pile of work yet to be completed.
Woke up only ard 11 plus i think. Continue reading my bis law den went to Jurong East to get the gift cards for the swensen mooncakes. Li xiang was super late.. but luckily i brought my IT textbk with me.
Walking back n forth - the route that lead me to home or to the library. In the end, i went to drink green bean soup cos haven had lunch den decided to go to the library.. saw many familiar faces. Glad that u guys are still doing well :) I thought i would understand IT but i couldn't n dunno what is it abt. Never study finish, too cold.. i headed home.
Lay down on the sofa.. i fell asleep again till 7 plus. Finally i had my 1st meal of the day - porridge.


Yesterday after gg to National Heart Centre. i meet up with yanni to do bis law. We went to New York New york - the pizza is nice:) the mudpie was alright but yanni dun really like it. Haha.. despite seeing the long queue, we refuse to leave till we read till page 15. Saw cheryl, keng ee n yvette who is queuing lol. Sorry girls! Cos of pple like us who refuse to leave tt's y the queue is there :P Nvm, hungry le can eat more n the food will be tastier. Spent 2 hours plus only to read those 15 pages is really getting on my nerves. Den went to MOS burger to continue with our work n getting started with the typing. Left around 11.


Holiday is not meant to spend this way like i did ... i wanna play but i didn't had the chance. Looking forward to tml :)

Emotions

So many events happening
Was watching tv after having tennis n giving tuition to my cousin the whole morning n early afternoon.

'Mom at sixteen' is showing on hallmark channel.
I felt it as much as jacy does.
It hurts having to give your flesh away.
But what she done was right
No matter how many options she has
To keep him by her side, to let her mum take care of him or to quit sch n take care of him...
Nothing can compare to give Charlie a complete family.
The decision she makes, is the best for Charlie.
That is to put him on adoption to provide him with a complete family.

It make me realise, whatever your parents do...
They always put you in front of them.
It doesn't matter if they have to work 10 hours day n night
It doesn't matter if they have to go through the pain of everything
So long as you are safe n healthy.
Please remember that when you are about to complain about your parents.
Put yourself into the shoes of theirs... think how much they have put in for you b4 u spill out words that make u feel bad.



Many times, the thought of leaving this world came across to you.
Each time, you go thru the struggle and told me
' Life ain't that difficult , isn't it?'
I nodded my head n smile.
Just a few minutes ago,
U asked me ' What if the time to leave this world is arriving?'
I said , ' Please don't let it happen, please..'
You stood there looking at the mirror
Pray with all your heart, telling yourself
'This isn't happening to me. Everything will goes well.'
Each lonliness you face,
I knew all you need is company.

Be brave n pull it all through cos everything is gonna be fine :)

Mugging begins? when?

Dear diary,

These few days I haven been sleeping enough. With an hour of slp on tue nite n a few hours on wed.

Been slacking but i still do my tutorials. This one week holiday is piled up with lotsa work - Acc project, FM project, IT quiz, Bis law 1000 word assignment. I dun mind doing group project cos sometimes can slack opps! But bis law seriously sucks.

I will be in hall the whole of next week... should be studying :)
Sian! Suppose to go for nite cycling tonight but daddy dun allow me all becos of tt! Argh, i'm fine lo.. there's nothing wrong with me. If nothing was discover den all these wouldn't have happen at all. I could have join in the fun later... n not having to make life dificult for other people.

@deine=> can u choose to live ur life all over again?

Medical checkup

Went home last night.. so happy:) Get to sleep in my comfort zone, feel so great! Went home around 10 , watch tv till 1am n slop onto my bed till 10am.

Had to go home cos I have this heart checkup in SGH. I wasn't feeling scare till i step into the room alone. Need to do this EKG thing to get my report. It doesn't matter whether the doctor is a male or a female.. but the point of having letting someone see and examine yourself ain't feel good. Thot everything will be done after ECG n that consultation is just to see my report. I was so totally wrong. Proceed to see Dr Bernard n i just felt like telling him no to the instructions given though he is very nice n good looking. I felt myself blushing. Dr Bernard is very patient n guide me through the whole examination.
He said that my echo was loud so need further scan. My face went like ' huh, not again? Think he saw it cos he explain to me the procedure which i wasn't keen to know after hearing it n assure me nothing will happen. Lol, i asked him if i can forgo the scan? Then he went to explain the consequences. Make me more scare only on next Thursday for the more detailed ECG which costs $130!. Whenever i see doctors, nothing good ever happens - spine prob since pri 4 (IOH), fracture my wrist (SGH) , sprain my leg, heart murmur( NHC) argh. when can i ever visit the doctor n not having to worry?

I'm slacking my time away almost a week. Plan to study during the holidays n slacken this week. But will it cause me to lose my momentum? Evenings are packed the rest of the week :) Looking forward to tml night with my darling alison haha rite babe?

will there be a good night sleep tonight?

An imperfect girl with a near perfect life

"Do you know what you means to him? You are the air around him.He may not know you exist.But once you are gone, life can never be the same again."

This words I heard from the tv, makes mi ponder.
Many people around us, we treat them like air... we knew life gonna be different without them but not till when we lose them. When will human beings ever learn to not take things from granted?

Yesterday, it was if i remembered correctly, the only day I never touch my books at all. Was stoning at our hall 7 comm hall... listening to rally. Although I had a few questions in mind, I didn't raise them. Don't think that it's good having to make life difficult for people. But all these conversations, questions all the spot makes me wonder what if I am the one sitting down there. Having to answer all these, most probably I wouldn't have make it.

I had my individual presentation this morning for communication management. Last night, I rehearse a no of times hoping things will turn out fine n that I don't tremble. Before class, i still think that my old problem will happen jus like what had happen a yr plus ago. Our tutor came in with a video camera n fix it behind the class. Everyone had their turn to present. To my surprise, all of them did well :) It's more painful having to sit there waiting for ur turn to come. Unluckily, i was the last few so my heart was pumping a little faster than usual till my turn came. I had the most no of slides n i got stuck on one of my point.. but gladly, no more trembling! hehe. i was really proud of myself. Maybe holding n reading off from cards is a bad thing. Sense of achievement :)

Came home.. home cooked food is the most delicious! I slack from morning till now - sleeping for hours n hours with the best weather to stay at home n lie on your cosy bed. Had to drag myself out from bed unwillingly to go to the tennis court. Got hold all my stuffs, walk out through my yard n down the slope. The next thing i knew i was on the ground. There's is stupid green stretch of thing act like a mini fence between the slope n the pathway. Damn suay, now I have two red swollen knees. Claps, what a great timing huh. There i were suppose to play tennis n here I got myself injured. Nevertheless, I still continued playing by limping haha.

I wanna decorate my room! As in my NTU room - i wan to make in into a winniepooh land for my side or a beach feeling. Any ideas to offer? Like where can i buy winnie-the pooh pictures where i can stick onto the walls. Big ones not tiny ones. Or pictures of dolphins, the scenary of a sunrise/sunset?

@de|ine=> i m hoping one day i won't need a fake smile.
I live by quotes that explain what i am exactly going through
I have drama and memories ( and that's life)
live it, love it ... and learn from it

zhen hao's birthday pic

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life was meant to be...

Dear diary,

Another week of this tertiary lifestyle has just past.

Went for hall production last friday. I like it esp the singing n dance... Stayed in school to study my 'FM' chapter 1 n accounting chapter 1 n 2. Accounting 101 is getting better for mi , i hope. That night after hall production, chun sent a few of us home. Hmm left karen n I, so i didn't felt like going home n we went to holland village to snack again although we had bah ku teh after hall production. Den we went to his house .. haha, played othello n saw pictures of them in usa. Went home only like 4am?

Saturday
Zhen hao birthday... 21st! So kinda sirius mini party? Yupz, went to his house .. had lotsa fun with sirius pple as usual :) love their company always! Played the food game, took lotsa pictures. We gave him a shirt n $100 vouchers. Went home ard hmm 11 plus i think.

Sunday
I felt so guilty for nt studying during the whole weekend. Ended up in queenstown library frm 2 to 6. Had lots of preious thoughts .. it was like back to jc times. CHeryl n I used to mug there almost every other day we were free? Ya, miss u girl! We were so close yet so far... it was jus a phone away /a gd news away for us to hang out like we used to be. Truthfully, i was kinda sad when i heard that at the pt of time when i knew everything planned can't work out at all. But, i'm still wanna tell u - study hard n hopefully u find someone to company u in ur studies too :) As i walk along the same old route home.. memories came pouring.
Long - sweet memories - happy times - stressful conversations... all n all, it was a moment to revive.

Super cold on every monday in sch... forgot my jacket. Ate spaghetti.. nt bad but still lose to mum! i miss mummy's cooking. Aww Rmb last yr when i had to eat outside food everyday, the moment i see food, i just felt like puking. It took me like 2 weeks to get used to outside food. Told mum once that i cannot live without home cooked food.. n she was staring at me n say ' how r u going to survive next time? 'Erm.. no idea. Maybe i can learn to cook?

Reading room is a gd place to study in hall 7, it's gonna be my favourite hangout place every night i suppose. Suppose to had dinner with sirius at canteen 4. I did went but jus when the food came, my phone rang. Ya, so off i went to wait for the shuttle bus. So pissed off! Waited so long n in the end it is terminating like the next stop? Wth.. anyway thanks allan for the ride back n kk company :)
to u, hang on strong ok. Everything is going to turn out fine. Life is never fair to anyone... but if we hold a positive attitude towards what God is going to put us through this test, we will pass it. Times when u feel low, do know that I'm always there - a call, a walk or just sitting just beside u.

Watched lakehouse last night with alison.. it is a nice movie but i dun really understand. Hmm sounds weird right haha.

After dinner, i came back n changed into my tennis outfit. Off alone i went to the court... practicing my service. It sucks initally but i saw it coming when i was at my third bucket of balls till the fifth. Used to serve n treat it as one way to vent my anger. It does helps to vent ur anger but nt to improve ur service. Tennis is a game of concentration and focus.


Mission to be accomplished - 2 presentations, 1 quiz.
- all tutorials ( sucks)

Yea! This weekend, i'm gg to catch westlife concert with meli! Hehe.. looking forward. 1st time gg to a concert like this one! Can't wait to hear them sing life!
Saturday, i just got plans.. sometimes a phone call can really makes u smile. Receive a call from my student frm qwss. He n grp of frens call to trick me... n also to ask help for their coming prelims or rather o levels. So saturday, i'll be down at holland village n being bombarded with questions which i hope is familiar n easy.
Tennis training on sunday.. hmm how m i gg to find time to studying for monday quiz n concentrate on monday presentation?

DESSERTS!

many times, i always said to myself ' IF ONLY...'
many times, 'IF ONLY..' come true
i wouldn't be sitting down here!

Time management

Dear diary,

Jus finished my biz law tutorial where i m really lost. The terms tey used are so chim.. catch no ball --> so i must play more softball. =x this is nt a joke

Last weekend was busy. On friday, i went shopping with rowena to marina square as she need a top for her talent time performance. The previous fri, we were there shopping too n i came across this pretty dress n this time roundi bought it. N a necklace to match with the dress. That day, i spend ard $80. Then rush to tiong baru..

Sat
Doing acc 1 tutorial in the afternoon. Nbs dnd at night. It was fun... our pagaent girl - kathleen did a great job:) We're siriusly proud of u! Took lots of pictures but i dun have them with mi now as i forget to bring my camera. Will post them next time. After dnd, hui shan, li xiang n mi took allan car. It was decided last minute to go holland v. swensen. Yea, ate a new flavour of their sundae - Mad mac. Nice nice~

Sunday
Basically sleeping almost the whole day... den getting ready to go back to hall7.

Monday
Had tennis with chun n yi hao. This time round, i think i m more or less back to my form. Went to jp with the seniors for dinner - subway. Eversince i stay in hall, fast food seems so far away from mi which is good for health but nt when u urge for it. Super tired but still i must hang on for the sake of studying. Obviously, i didn't absorb anything esp right now biz law tutorial is over.

Tuesday
Slp till 11.30am. Today, i ate a whole load of food but none of them is a proper meal. Banana, biscuits, cake, bread, cheese prata, waffles, milo, teddy bear cookies, milk
Sounds alot right, it's really alot haha.
After lecture, played inter block volleyball for my block cos there is nt enuff girls. My 1st time playin volleyball.. i can't serve for nuts! Either can i play well but the point is my hands hurts. They looks blueblack now. Ouch. i wonder y volleyballers enjoy torturing themself?

Wed
I'm suppose to take a nap now b i start falling asleep during later Fm seminar where the chances is high. So ciao, off to bed! Shall forgo lunch to catch ball in FM later.

@deine=> when u have nothing to do, the best thing is to sleep zzz.

stress!

Human beings are weird. We love everything that we don't own.

Just moments ago, I miss my family so much. Yet minutes b4 when mummy calls, i gave her tt piss off attitude cos i was rather piss of with my studies. She seems to always call at the wrong timing...
I don't complain my troubles to my mum cos she never will understand. Sometimes i wish daddy is right here with me every night like we used to hang ard in the living room. Talking about things ard us... at times i'm able to hint my problems to him n hear him talk about life stories n experiences. Yet calling my dad is something i hardly do.. afraid tt my parents would thot i'm in deep trouble or sth. Haiz. At home gt my two little twins sisters n giant bro to entertain me. Just miss them when i'm feeling sad.

Uni is so different... perhaps i haven found a fren who is willingly to study n work hard together with me like how cheryl n I motivate each other. But still alison is a super duper gd roomie! She is ever there to lend mi a listening ear. Love ya gal! Ya, i might start to pray whenever i need to.

little ones running through
stomping on the ground
feeling the touch of a pistol
a slight push, down lay one
seeking solace
turning away, it drips
life is a train on a steep edge.

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Hectic life

Another week passes by filled with excitment, frustrations, sporty, stressful, starvation, enjoyment.

Excitment
Yanni's birthday falls on wednesday. Sirius decided to give her a surprise at hall 16. At 11.30, those staying including in staying hall 7 went over with her birthday cake. Thanks chun for the ride :) Ordered mac by mak... we were in the lounge. Lights off, yanni walked in... birthday song was sang. There is this unexplainable feeling or peace i felt. We had fun playing zhong ji mi ma, the snake game , mrt game.
It was the snake n mrt game tt kathleen n I had no choice but to agree that hall 7 girls like us do not have the sense of lamer others do. Or izzit we have no brains? Lol.. we are the only two who knew the trick after many times of ' again , again!' n still gave the blur look. N silly me, ask a qns tt is the ans.

Frustrations...sporty
Wednesday... I had a rather bad day with biz law tutorial n FM seminar. I DISLIKE having to speak in class. Not a vocal person at all. So this sucks when it comes to class participation. Had this PRC tutor who pronouns present values as prison values. The speed he is talking can immediately make my head drop on the table. Worst still, i do not have the same lecture notes nor the tutorial worksheet. Lessons end at 5.30... alison called to ask mi play netball for interblock games. With my mindset , i seriously not up to play but still went as there isn't any enuff pple. Game suppose to start at 6.15, we started only at 7? All of us were late. Hmm my block won :) though i think i fouls a few times n nv really play. Tennis on tuesday was the best! I won without playing the 1st females doubles as block 38 has no girls participating. N i lost without playing too cos the guys lost 2 matches. Great, i change n warm up for nothing...
Tennis trials sucks bad time! Their standard is super high .. n someone like cheryl n I who could not play well under pressure juz gotta get our ass out of the courts.

Stressful
Wenli, i totally agree with u that whoever says uni life is much easier than jc..hell with them! At this moment in time, i dun see it tt way. Given that i have to do my readings n tutorial till early morning every single day? It like so not me in sch days last time. Yea, more activities in hall but still y such a tremendous change? Anyway, will still work hard for as long as i can :)

Starvation
Hall 7 being isolated on this small NTU island. Foods is available on climbing uphill but still inconvenient. Laziness play a heavy role so i dun really have a proper diet. Most of the time having eat 1 meal per day n snacks ard in betw when i like it. Sleeping late will jus make u feel hungry ... so far not so much of supper this week. Jus tt dinner was super late which i think more towards supper time ya? I shall stock up more foods. Btw , i have a fridge already! Yea.. can buy chocolates le!


My parents arrive already.. time to leave. This is enjoyment - family love :)