In my dreams ...

Dear diary,

I had a tiring day yesterday.. woke up at 7am and head my way back to that lil corner of Singapore - NTU to play tennis with cheryl, hj n raymond. it was fun... i haven play tennis since dunno when. 4 hours of stroking n laughing on the court. What i took away from the court was a nick - no. 10. All thanks to mond! Had a big feast at crystral jade.. it was yummy! I enjoy my lunch but all that workout on court is gone...

Meet rowena at 4.30and we went vivocity. We watched enchanted. It was really enchanting :) I also wanna be in a fairyland and there you'll always live happily ever after. Silly as it sound.. but i never want to wake up from this dream :P

gg to meet my sec sch frens soon. Tml will be gg to SHOW concert. I can imagine both my sisters going CRAZY! They are two mad girls who look alike. haha

Next week all be another week of 'outings'. I wanna work in the weekend... any jobs available?

@delphin ...

and after all the studying and torture...
here we are with our smiley faces!
my eyes are much bigger now n i m more awake!
hee.

Hey gal, i enjoyed your company. More to come!!! ( but u have your minor :S)

A post birthday

I celebrated an early birthday with cheryl, hongjin and raymond at Crystal Jade. Thanks a lot! It was after our paper... n i really enjoyed myself. Just received the photos from hj, realize that i haven seen myself smiling for so long already. Hmm... but i look pretty tired too :(

That day... they sang birthday song n i felt so embarrassing haha. Well.. i'm shy.
We had Anderson ice-cream too n played the arcade! Cheryl partner with hj.. while i partner raymond to play the basketball game. Initially we lost to them but the second match we won! N got to stage 3... by the time we're at stage 3, i'm perspiring lo. My hands are aching .. the basketballs just fly everywhere. Lol, but it was fun! :)

IT'S BOTHERING ME WAY TOO MUCH AND I CAN'T TAKE IT!

I WANNA SLEEP.. GIVE ME MY SLEEPING PILLS. PUT ME INTO THAT DEEP SLEEP AND EVERYTHING IS OVER WHEN I OPEN MY EYES.

adeline... u love your life. it's once and never... let it go!

what s semster...

Dear diary,

I do not know where to begin with... anyway it's the lat day of my papers. And i can't believe that it's getting worst each semster. Ya, life ain't easy but must it be that difficult?

Initially the thot of having just 3 papers was like.. well, u can do it! it' only 3.. but when u started to pile up the amount of notes, textbook, tutorials etc.. n see that mountain stacking higher and higher and what you know is that i have to get all these words into that small little brain , that's why stress enter.

It's always like that... n i do not understand why I always have to break down during exams. It was not once nor twice.. but thrice on/off. I'm so sorry for having my frens around mi to having to worry about me... comfort me and telling me that everything will turn out well. But i'm also grateful and thankful that i have friends around me who i can rely on esp cher n hj. To my parents whom i cried over the phone for almost an hour just before my last paper because i was so scare and panic. It's really nice to see them when they came over to send me dinner and tonic at 11.30pm. I feel like giving them a hug but i didn't.

I'm always thinking and worrying about every single thing... my brain is working the wrong way. Ever since my last paper till now, i'm still stoning the whole day. it's a feeling i do not know how to describe, it was not happiness definitely. i'm going aimlessly... just have to pray the outcome is what i wanted. i hate myself for being such a weakling.

i wanna sleep but i couldn't sleep depite of the 2.5 hrs i had this morning before the paper...
I wanna fly into my dreamland! leave this real world and enter into my comfort zone...

Boat and piggy are still having exams, it' been long since i see them! Miss you so much... Chelle, thanks for your call and we will be able to meet up really soon maybe next week? Meli, i din receive your msg but saw it at friendster jus now.. thank you. Are you having fun travelling? Bring me along!!!

Tonight, Dad is bringing me out to chill out... i miss the small talks we had in the past.
What else have i missed out? hmm... going to groom myself up for the next one week and start tennis-ing plus lotsa and lotsa of movies n drama. i wanna watch prison break 3 :)
Hopefully my parents have plans to bring me overseas.. anywhere is good. I misses the beach...

@delphin -> nothing means more to her as compared to ...

yet another exam...

It has been a crazy sem...
I just been through another crazy weekend. Doing project overnight at my house for IT.
My team members took turns to sleep jus like the other time over at Cheryl's house.
What's now?
It's getting closer...
A voice within me saying ' pls don't let this day come'
how much i need the energy to keep me awake every single day
I ain't wanna get tired anymore
some magical shine needed to sprinkle on me.

To meli, mich, cher n rowena,
Hey girls! All the best for your exams. I'm looking to your return and meet ups after this mugging period. Good luck :)

Adelphin wishes that everything will goes well smoothly and better...

i dunno why I'm feeling this way...
so emo...
in a daze. din feel like talking at all
the air is stagnant and cold
the sound of the fan so distinct

my eyes are tired.
but there wasn't a thought to go to bed
cos i'm guilty of everything
like how i have spent hours working on a freaking project
how i spent my time on my meals
the time i spent thinking about every other thing that seems so unimportant

not knowing where i should start...
i could easily stare on the screen on my computer...
n i felt my tears welling...my nose is stiffing
what's wrong?

mummy called in the evening...
how much i wanted to tell her i miss her cooking so much
how much i wanted to tell her not to hang the phone on me
all i said was i wanted to go home today but there're so many things to do...
asked if i have eaten? n remind me to take my meal later...

just when everything feels like falling apart in the lonely night
i miss my family most...
the frequent calls i used to get no longer ring.

i hate myself for getting emotional when things don't turn out well.
i shld be standing up strong like how i appear to be
keep that smile on... but it is not that way...

and there ... it happens sometimes...
"I cried myself to sleep last night
When I woke up
There were tear stains on my pillow
It hurt so much to sacrifice what I gave up
Without you in my life
I will always feel lonely
Losing the love
From someone like you"
....
Not a day goes by without something
Reminding me of you
The truth is that I miss you
It gets so hard not being with you
There are times when I go crazy
In the twilight of the night

maybe i shouldn't place any expectations...
i have made it so far...
i shld be contented.
it is just a want...
i do not need this burden..
it's burning my tolerance, my patience
so tired..

i just wanna walk through the endless peaceful road
someone enlighten me?

Having too much fun?

Dear diary,

This weekend i was staying over in school... went for shopping on Friday with Gina and Helen. Ah... this month is definitely the month where i spent most of my money on shopping :X Mummy cfm will nag at me if she finds out. i bought 2 cardigans and a top which costs mi a total of $62. In the afternoon, i went to play the game for IT, it was fun.. den report to LT24 where it seems as though i moment i step into and out, my knowledge is still the same! Ah, i din know what was happening in the lecture la.


Had street challenge on sat... i had fun though i feel more like gg there for showcase haha. Entertainment value was high in the finals and it was more relaxing! Anyway, we got 2nd! The weather wasn't very bad.. but bad enough for me to get my sun-burnt :S Like finally i got rid of my tanned lines and now it's back. BOO! I think the best part was after street challenge where zhen hao, yuen bo, guo xiang and i decided to have our own cooked meals. We went to The Sun, bought spaghetti sauce, canned food and chicken clam chowder. Went to hall2 to cook and eat on the stairs. It was nice n i enjoy it... Went to hall 2 tv lounge.. they were watching soccer. I was chit chatting with them cos i dun watch soccer. Was feeling tired but after we went back to hall for a bath, we gathered in hall 9 again. The guys watch soccer while i was in yuen bo room. His room got this huge tv , psp 2 ... after the soccer the guys came up to play psp2 -soccer again. 3am, we went down to watch rugby. Learn abit on the sports from yuen bo... i fell aslp, woke up n play with his hp. Slept ard 4plus i think...

I feel so tired today... n lost. Din know what to do the whole day, been surfing ard the net, walk to my bed n nap like every now and then. i'm such a pig! Jus had dinner with hj... n it's like 9pm already. Tml is another new week...


What's life without sirius? i guess i probably won't have tt much fun without them.

time for a new beginning

Dear diary,

Yea.. board meeting just ended! So happy...
Early morning i went for 214 and my classmates started saying that i nv eat my medicine cos i went a lil crazy... i think is more of the stress that's y i'm like tt.
After board meeting, went with hj n Cheryl for ice cream waffles. Then, they say i'm dramatic today. where got?
I'm back in hall and I've this very light feeling. Although there's still things for me to do BUT i dun care! I decide not to do anything tonight :P Haha, this week very slack. I slept for 10 hours on Tuesday night. Concussed at 12am n woke up at 10am.. sleeping is damn shiok! I LOVE sleeping!
Ate prata roll sausage at NIE den i saw my velvet slipper there. I wanna buy... maybe tml go there?
Shoot, my IT tutor ask my fren n i to help her to try out a game either tml or monday. Dunno is gd or not to be so lucky getting 'chosen' to play the game. Must be i too noisy in IT class already.. keep laughing when doing lab work if not sleeping when she is teaching the seminar -_- can't help but always fall asleep in IT class.

I'm thinking if i should go home tonight to grab all my stuffs for tml, sat n next week. I'm running out of clothes and i dun have my sports shoes for street challenge this sat. Also, i gt dance this sat... so lazy to go home :P

Actually come to think of it, still have alot of things to do esp IT project, 201 plus i haven start studying or rather i m lacking so much behind. i gg to watch some movie now. haha.. bye!

Can life get any better?

It's Saturday finally.. which means i have managed to pull through the last 5 days.
Fast, hectic, emotional, sleepless days and nights.

It all begin with a strong mindset but gets beaten down with an alphabet at the end of the day 1.
All i need was some jokes, some enlightenment, some encouragement to put me into ease or rather into sleep. Back into my pondering mood... always wondering why things turn out this way. Was glad that 1 presentation was down. During the ppt, i was like a joke myself holding on to a toy mircophone - the thought of it, makes me wanna laugh.

Entering into day 2, saw so many pictures of little kids in my class. I suddenly felt the love around with these innocent eyes and smiles. These cuties pies brings me into a state of admiration. In the afternoon, our team presented for IT. It was not a bad experience afterall cos i wasn't much prepared to do this ppt without a speech. Was just rattling off the slides and think of what i could add on the spot. Thankfully it went well though not excellent. End of day 2 begins with lots of readings for quiz.

The whole of day 3, the 3 of us were mugging for 202 quiz. Of cos, i din managed to finish all of them... it was a stressful day

Skipped my morning class cos i couldn't wake up... n the quiz was a disappointment n i predict it would not turn out well anyway. Sigh, will this semster be a real turnoff? Went to cheryl house to stay overnight with my 3 other group members to complete our IT project.

I din managed to last the whole night... think i fell into deel sleep after macdonalds breakfast at 6.30am. Woke up at 8.30 but went back to slp again till 10 plus. Last minute check through, printed photos, wanted to make video but no time ( but the plot was really funny) , finally call a cab n bring us back to FAL. Do all the final printing which was scary.. we have 50 over pages :S. I hope the tutor give us marks for effort if the quality is not tt great. The last day of a school week put me into a 15 hours of sleep.

I'm working on my elective report now - 2000 words. hopefully i can complete it by tonight. Hopefully i dun get too tired in the night, cos i wanna go out for a breathe. I need this! All i need is to be in a peaceful surrounding, enjoy the breeze and fell asleep.

During my whole recess week.. it was very much of a routine. Cos there are project meetings almost everyday! Except for this special day - Friday, where i meet up with my secondary sch friends because our dear miss avena is leaving to USA for 3 months not to study but to WORK n PLAY! Admire her ... haha. Anyway, we had dinner at kenny roger in great world city. It was my first time eating the famous chicken.. n indeed i like it! Though it's very fattening cos the portion is really big n i finish all with the extremely cheesy macaroni and yummy mashed potatoes. I wanna bring my parents there! hee... maybe after next week - the week i fear most.
So happy to see joyce, lingli n vanessa cos i rarely meet up at all. in fact since nbs camp, i haven meet all of them there. Bought a g2000 top which costs $59 n thanks to jolence who told be she bought it at half price .. i wanna scream. lol. Just so conicidental that both of us bought the same design but different colour :) i bought blue while she bought yellow. After kenny roger, i went holland village to essential brew. i just love that place :)

On sat night, i had dinner with sherlyn n kor at koufu food court in anchorpoint. I must say that the standards of anchorpoint food court has risen alot. Yummy foods there. Korkor ordered a special dish from the western stall which is unique n nice.. th0ugh it's filled with vege n mushrooms still it delicious.

So excited to get all the new clothes i bought online later in the afternoon from regina. I'm so going to have a collection of blue tops in my closet. Bought a beach dress n a top which is super versatile. Quite excited to wear them too but looks like i gotta wait till after exams? Hopefully not.. perhaps next weekend ba.

Next week is horrible! So far i already have:
1) AA202 class presentation (mon)
2) Elective report draft (mon)
3) AA213 class presentation (tue)
4) AA202 quiz (thurs)
5) AA 213 prj deadline (Fri)

later in the morning.. i really pray hard that there's no presentation or assignment due next week. though the chances is slim cos everyone whom i know in 214 classes seems to have assignments or presentation.

sigh.. today i nv study at all :(
spend alot of my time on my report for my elective n was viewing my IT project part a.

To my ex-roomie, i may not know what has happened but to you my dear, please hold on and stay strong no matter how hard life is going to be. i may not be able to share your burdens but know that i do care and will always be there for you when u need a listening ear like how we used to when we were staying together.

it's funny when you find yourself telling others to stay strong and have faith in themselves when all you ever did was to give up on yourself. so tired of pretending to be who you wanna see...

strolling down the park
having memories of being a young kid on the playground
playing with packs of candles,
protecting it from the wind.
if our childhood never ends...
life will never be so complicated.

what you need is not only time...

life at 20

dear diary,

is it wrong to be someone nice?
is it wrong to treat everyone as friends?
why do human beings differ so much?
does everyone has a motive behind all their actions?

i wanna get out of Singapore and NTU ...

family day!

cam-whoring... with my sisters n cousin.

Enjoyable day!

dear diary,

i'm so happy...
firstly, i haven touch my books for 2 days. been playing and giving myself a break away from studies. but i know this is not what i'm suspose to do cos there are so many projects on hand now. hmm, next week is packed with projects.

on thursday night, we ( ahmad, toon lee n i) were in yanni's room playing cards n chit chatting till like near 5am. I couldn't take it so went back to my room to zzz..

had a fun time with my nbs camp frens. had bbq at my house with good foods. haven had such a great time with them bitching, making fun of pple... remind me of 2e2 gatherings every yr at my hse there bbq-ing. really hope that the friendship with my nbs frens will always remain ... having gatherings once in a few months is really nice. so fun-loving, interesting n real...

my cousin is staying overnight today ... had a chat with her a while ago. tml gg to my dance class, meet up with jas den meet up with my mum's side relatives to celebrate grandma birthday! haha, can see all my young n noti cousins.

i wanna go on DIET n i wanna run, play tennis and do something challenging to spice up my life!

Yea, i'm so happy! It's my last day of the mid term break though i'm still i hall because tml there's project meeting. Well, guess there will be prj meetings like everyday of next week. Sigh... isn't it suspose to be a BREAK?
I have nothing to do so went to my sis blog to 'steal' some pictures.
According to her, that's my bro who was caught by her when he missed the red light. Apparently, he is too engrossed in eating the chocolate...
Thanks daddy for buying us this camera. It's so slim n nice :) Hee, next time i can post more more pictures!


Mummy cooked me this PuRpLe PoTaToEs before i came back to hall last sunday. It's so unique ... i have nv see such potatoe b4. BUt it tastes really great.. mummy says it's from US. but i dun recall seeing that in USA. anyway, i love eating potatoes :P

Went home ytd to have lunch with my family. But it turn out to be a cold war... sigh, i know how lucky the kids in my family are. As in ya, we have everything we want.. but sometimes it's not the money that can solve things like our feelings. Sometimes I just choose not to explain things to u because we all come to realise that you will nv understand us. So what's the point? U shld know that everyone of us have different ways of leashing out our anger or pour out our sorrows. I may not be able to look things from your view.. but at least try to listen to us. To you my dear, dun worry so much... everyone will have to go through that stage. I have been there before, i know how it feels... but u gotta learn to face the reality n trust me, everything will be fine alright?

Happy birthday to my two mischievous sisters.. though u are older but u girls still look and behave like u r 14 lo. Haha... glad that u're happy with your results but please continue to strive harder cos i believe u have the potential to do better ok? Ya, happy collecting your presents and share with me too! lol...

i can't wait for the holidays to come!

dear diary,

i'm so looking forward to the holiday.
there's so much i wanna do that i think that 1 week of 'holiday' is NOT enough

so many projects on hand ... a no. of movies i wanna catch... i wanna go shoppin, roller blading... n slp!

it's just abt me.

dear diary,

i have just moved into hall 3 this week. Though i didn't really know my room-mate but she's nice and funny. enjoy her company...

i wanna watch musical highschool 2 and hairsray! hmm.. anyone wanna watch with me? this coming week is the last week before the recess week. I foresee a packed one.. but gladly i have only 3 days of school! yes!!!

yesterday night i went supper with most of the pryo n guoxiang. We had prata... well, i guess hall life is really much abt late nights n supper. But i will CONTROL.

All these while I have been listening to others about the way life should be. Like in university, so called the entrance to relationships... Although sometimes i really feel like being wanted, but it was never a 'yes i want this badly' kinda thing. People who knows me long enough will know that i'm pretty much a family gal. And of cos i enjoy the company of friends... The warmth i get from my family can never be replaced which partly also make me feel that I do not need the love of someone special. I cherish the many important people and pals in my life right now n glad that they have entered into my journey giving me love, happiness and support.

A near stranger asked me, ' What is my favorite animal?'

My reply, ' Dolphin'

He smiled and said , ' Your character should be somewhat close to a dolphin then..'

a whole new life

dear diary,

i slept almost the whole day... was moaning over what happen still.

I refused to do anything... was day dreaming the whole day till evening time when i need to go for my elective concert. It was pretty boring. Had supper with nicole at lau pau sa. Thanks gal, i enjoy your company.

will you be there if she need u?
will you stay by her when everything falls apart?
will you put a smile on her face even if she cry?
will you guide her through the journey when she's lost?
will you treasure the rare moments of silence?
because she is all of the above.
the one who needs you.
the one whose life get torn apart.
the one who cry to sleep.
the one who gets lost in her life.
the one who cherish silence moments.
for all you know,
she is not a ordinary girl.
unknown

Hate myself!!!

I hate myself!

how could i bloodly hell miss out the whole of part a of my 20% assignment? Argh.. it cost me 20 marks GONE!

The worst is I only realise it like after 10 hours! This is damn important towards my final grade n i have gave me away! All because I miss out that qns which i totally NEVER see at all.

Ah... being sick during an impt paper is bad enough... having to commit such a mistake is WORST!

Having to put in time n effort n to realise it has all gone down to the drain is heartbreaking... now my heart is really broken.

I dun wanna grow up... den i won't have any problems...
Sometimes i really wanna do nothing. CAN I DO THAT?

dear god, i pray for happiness and optimism in life.