Embarrassed

3rd June ' 2006

Dear diary,

These few days I haven been feeling good. I get easily frustrated and confused about the things that I do. Mood swing? Perhaps... n yesterday was the worst i can ever experience during driving. What's wrong with me? I got the instructor i wanted... but i did too many mistakes that i can't forgive myself too. Idoitic vertical parking that i can't work it out. Freaking hell! I did this for countless time n still get in wrong. He tried to help me yet i still couldn't do it rightly. Feel like giving up! After vertical parking, i went on to directional change.. halfway through i knew something was wrong. I wanted to amend it - an empty mind i had. Water was in my eyes. I tried to hold it back. It wasn't like those times when u can turn ur head away n pretend u weren't upset or bothered. Driving requires me to look at the road all time.. it was hard to pretend. I had no idea what happen n my tears just gush out in a split second. It was then he was shocked - asked if it was b'cos of driving . Insist on saying no b'cos it's not all his fault tt i cry. I'm just angry with myself for not being able to do things right despite all these practices.
Can't do the circuit courses in this state. I just felt like telling him that i don't wanna drive n i wanted to get out of the car. But I didn't- i didn't want my parents' money to go to waste. Went on the road.. n the more he asked, the harder i cry. No control over the amount of tears i had. On the road, i drive n stare at the road really hard that i think it's gonna pop out. Somehow after that drive, i felt better. I was really quiet - complete silence in the car.
In the end i just told him I'd a bad day. I've been getting more bad days recently. Apologise for scaring him ( though i m more sorry for not being able to learn what he taught)

Went tomeet up Cheryl to look for her evening gown. Went to tiong baru n walk around den to town. Spend quite sometime in Daniel Yen in Hereen. I think she looks gorgeous in the second piece that she tried on. Yupz.. anyway i bought a pair of sandals in Tiong baru. After walking around, both of us were felling hungry. She had ate bread with ham n cheese while i ate something light since we got up n those lasts us till like 6. Remembered of those happy times in Billy Bombers, we went in again. Ordered Oatmeal fish n fries course meal to share.. not bad. After the main course, cheryl says that there is ice cream to be served but i said i dun think so. Anyway. there is.. but i was feeling really full then. Headed to cinleisure den to taka. Cheryl bought a few cosmetic yesterday - lip gloss, lip sticks ( frm body shop) - cheap 2 for $19.90. then mascara , eyebrow liner while i bought za fountation ( great deal of only $12.90) and sheseidon blusher ( it was ex!) . Gss was good n bad- good that we ae able to afford more things with the same amount of money we had but bad as in i think we tend to spend more than we should. The sales n reduced price always give us the excuse that ' hey, it's cheap n worthwhile .. just buy it ' Cheryl got herself a converse top for only $13.90. Taka has lots of sales going around. We wanted to go to Holland Village for a drink but decided not to after we caculated how much we had spent within these few hours. Near $80 .. n if we were to continue with these happy moments - it will bounce up to $100. Keep it for another time!

By the time we were going home, i didn't want to cos i'm still bothered by what happen while driving even the whole night n now. CHeryl was so nice, she accompanied me home. Thanks! It gave me a phobia of doing vertical parking cos i knew no matter how many times i try, i still cannot do it. This feeling ain feels good. How am i going to react when i see him again? - pretend nothing has happened? How m i going to drive for the coming 5 days with the high chances of getting someone i dislike n worst still the test is in 1 week time. I wanna quit this game!

@deineisbothered - is she thinking too much?