To my ex-roomie, i may not know what has happened but to you my dear, please hold on and stay strong no matter how hard life is going to be. i may not be able to share your burdens but know that i do care and will always be there for you when u need a listening ear like how we used to when we were staying together.

it's funny when you find yourself telling others to stay strong and have faith in themselves when all you ever did was to give up on yourself. so tired of pretending to be who you wanna see...

strolling down the park
having memories of being a young kid on the playground
playing with packs of candles,
protecting it from the wind.
if our childhood never ends...
life will never be so complicated.

what you need is not only time...

life at 20

dear diary,

is it wrong to be someone nice?
is it wrong to treat everyone as friends?
why do human beings differ so much?
does everyone has a motive behind all their actions?

i wanna get out of Singapore and NTU ...

family day!

cam-whoring... with my sisters n cousin.

Enjoyable day!

dear diary,

i'm so happy...
firstly, i haven touch my books for 2 days. been playing and giving myself a break away from studies. but i know this is not what i'm suspose to do cos there are so many projects on hand now. hmm, next week is packed with projects.

on thursday night, we ( ahmad, toon lee n i) were in yanni's room playing cards n chit chatting till like near 5am. I couldn't take it so went back to my room to zzz..

had a fun time with my nbs camp frens. had bbq at my house with good foods. haven had such a great time with them bitching, making fun of pple... remind me of 2e2 gatherings every yr at my hse there bbq-ing. really hope that the friendship with my nbs frens will always remain ... having gatherings once in a few months is really nice. so fun-loving, interesting n real...

my cousin is staying overnight today ... had a chat with her a while ago. tml gg to my dance class, meet up with jas den meet up with my mum's side relatives to celebrate grandma birthday! haha, can see all my young n noti cousins.

i wanna go on DIET n i wanna run, play tennis and do something challenging to spice up my life!

Yea, i'm so happy! It's my last day of the mid term break though i'm still i hall because tml there's project meeting. Well, guess there will be prj meetings like everyday of next week. Sigh... isn't it suspose to be a BREAK?
I have nothing to do so went to my sis blog to 'steal' some pictures.
According to her, that's my bro who was caught by her when he missed the red light. Apparently, he is too engrossed in eating the chocolate...
Thanks daddy for buying us this camera. It's so slim n nice :) Hee, next time i can post more more pictures!


Mummy cooked me this PuRpLe PoTaToEs before i came back to hall last sunday. It's so unique ... i have nv see such potatoe b4. BUt it tastes really great.. mummy says it's from US. but i dun recall seeing that in USA. anyway, i love eating potatoes :P

Went home ytd to have lunch with my family. But it turn out to be a cold war... sigh, i know how lucky the kids in my family are. As in ya, we have everything we want.. but sometimes it's not the money that can solve things like our feelings. Sometimes I just choose not to explain things to u because we all come to realise that you will nv understand us. So what's the point? U shld know that everyone of us have different ways of leashing out our anger or pour out our sorrows. I may not be able to look things from your view.. but at least try to listen to us. To you my dear, dun worry so much... everyone will have to go through that stage. I have been there before, i know how it feels... but u gotta learn to face the reality n trust me, everything will be fine alright?

Happy birthday to my two mischievous sisters.. though u are older but u girls still look and behave like u r 14 lo. Haha... glad that u're happy with your results but please continue to strive harder cos i believe u have the potential to do better ok? Ya, happy collecting your presents and share with me too! lol...

i can't wait for the holidays to come!

dear diary,

i'm so looking forward to the holiday.
there's so much i wanna do that i think that 1 week of 'holiday' is NOT enough

so many projects on hand ... a no. of movies i wanna catch... i wanna go shoppin, roller blading... n slp!

it's just abt me.

dear diary,

i have just moved into hall 3 this week. Though i didn't really know my room-mate but she's nice and funny. enjoy her company...

i wanna watch musical highschool 2 and hairsray! hmm.. anyone wanna watch with me? this coming week is the last week before the recess week. I foresee a packed one.. but gladly i have only 3 days of school! yes!!!

yesterday night i went supper with most of the pryo n guoxiang. We had prata... well, i guess hall life is really much abt late nights n supper. But i will CONTROL.

All these while I have been listening to others about the way life should be. Like in university, so called the entrance to relationships... Although sometimes i really feel like being wanted, but it was never a 'yes i want this badly' kinda thing. People who knows me long enough will know that i'm pretty much a family gal. And of cos i enjoy the company of friends... The warmth i get from my family can never be replaced which partly also make me feel that I do not need the love of someone special. I cherish the many important people and pals in my life right now n glad that they have entered into my journey giving me love, happiness and support.

A near stranger asked me, ' What is my favorite animal?'

My reply, ' Dolphin'

He smiled and said , ' Your character should be somewhat close to a dolphin then..'

a whole new life

dear diary,

i slept almost the whole day... was moaning over what happen still.

I refused to do anything... was day dreaming the whole day till evening time when i need to go for my elective concert. It was pretty boring. Had supper with nicole at lau pau sa. Thanks gal, i enjoy your company.

will you be there if she need u?
will you stay by her when everything falls apart?
will you put a smile on her face even if she cry?
will you guide her through the journey when she's lost?
will you treasure the rare moments of silence?
because she is all of the above.
the one who needs you.
the one whose life get torn apart.
the one who cry to sleep.
the one who gets lost in her life.
the one who cherish silence moments.
for all you know,
she is not a ordinary girl.
unknown

Hate myself!!!

I hate myself!

how could i bloodly hell miss out the whole of part a of my 20% assignment? Argh.. it cost me 20 marks GONE!

The worst is I only realise it like after 10 hours! This is damn important towards my final grade n i have gave me away! All because I miss out that qns which i totally NEVER see at all.

Ah... being sick during an impt paper is bad enough... having to commit such a mistake is WORST!

Having to put in time n effort n to realise it has all gone down to the drain is heartbreaking... now my heart is really broken.

I dun wanna grow up... den i won't have any problems...
Sometimes i really wanna do nothing. CAN I DO THAT?

dear god, i pray for happiness and optimism in life.

Nice song

I ate alot of strutels today! Omg... only jas n i knows. Lol, but thank you for being such a nice companion. More to come gal!

Went to catch watch dancetitute today. Super nice!!! Everyone dance so professionally. I like it.. how i wish i have can dance like them too. Regina n Qing fu, you guys did a great job!

yAWN... so tired. tml is another 6 hours of lessons. Gotta slp now cos it's 1am le. Sounds early if I were in hall but at home.. it's late!!! haha. Goodnite!

Tired but fufilling day

Dear diary,

I'm feeling happy and tired today! Hee...
Yesterday I had my AB228A class so gotta wear formal to sch which was my first time. I hate rainy days.. it just spoil ur day no matter how nice you wear. Hmm, got a shock when i enter the room cos all the girls were wearing the whole suite la. I feel out of place... cos i haven got myself any jacket. Din see the need to buy it but when my tutor wold me is a must. So that means i needa go for shopping soon! Ate mac for dunno the how many times this week den met up with my 214 grp mates to discuss our assignment which didn't went well. But hope it gets better... it's communication class so we gotta brush up our communication skills too :) Had a gd lecture despite being a friday, 201 meeting . Den my parents n sis came to pick me up for dinner at boonlay market for nasi lemak. I love eating meals with my family... it's something I always enjoy! Relaxing and blessed having to eat with your loved ones with nice foods. When i reach home, I was feeling really tired after a long day... exhausted to the max. I sleep for 12 hours, waking up in the middle of the night to brushmy teeth haha. My sisters must have thot I was sleepwalking.

Today, went to tiong mac to study with jasmine. Although we spend almost 7 hrs there but we only managed to complete 1 tutorial. Ah... but i still feel happy. Keep disturb n play with daddy while watching campus superstar. Now i feel so tired... shall listen to my songs n smile to sleep :)

Can't wait to see regina and qing fu perform tml! Jia you ya...

@dephine is smiling sweet.

Got tagged by Michelle so.. here it goes haha

Rules of the game :

**Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself.
**People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
**At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!

1. I like to - listen to music and be under the not too hot sun while i fell asleep as i feel the breeze.

2. I am allowed - to bully my sisters when I'm bored? Hahaa, i m not sure abt this.. allowed to stay out late in the night?

3. My favourite part of my body is - my eyes though I have serious eye bags. But still, i love it.

4. If i could fix one part of my human body - that would be my legs...

5. I hate - going to school? well school no longer as fun as it used to be.

6. If I could date a female celebrity, I would date - i never thot of this... cos's i'm straight? Lol, well, someone who is humorous n with style.

7. If i could date a male celebrity, it’s - oo i would choose Daniel Henney! He's tall, abc, cute.. ya, he's the one :P

8. I’m attracted to - cute n beautifully stuffs.

9. I hate it - when I have to make a decision cos i'm indecisive. Ah.. even what to eat, i can't really decide - tt's how indecisive i'm.

10. I prefer to sleep - on my bed at home while having nice dreams , hugging my soft toy. sounds like a lil girl ya? tt's how young i'm! ha..

tagged
1) melli
2) vanessa
3) avena
4) jain
5) cheryl
6) rowena

reflection

Dear diary,

Today I had my professional imaging lessons... its pretty interesting though i as feeling hungry throughout the start of the lesson till break time. Nevertheless, i wish there were more AUs for this module cos it's more fun than other of the other I have to go through.


[ ignore this... i need a place to vent my frustrations]
Slept for 1.5hr when i came home den went to tea garden Macdonald with my youngest sis. I was hoping I can concentrate in reading the readings... but i took a million yrs to understand what I'm reading la. So frustrated! Argh.. i feel like screaming. I'm suppose to learn about accounting which i thought was more on calculations? But what the hell m i doing in this stupid accounting course having to question my level of understanding of those alienated ENGLISH words. This is not accounting.. this is testing my comprehension and patience. I hate this. Neither writing nor reading English is my strength. I used to fail my English especially for paper 2 since I was in primary school n wonder how the hell I could get a B3 for my GP paper when I have a F9 in the preliminary (i thot tt was my worst nightmare ever) Finally I thought I scrapped through it. It's not tt I don't like English but I just not good at my languages. Bloody hell, I wish there is no such thing like presentations or answering questions in those lengthy words which you wanna to get across to ppl . Instead express everything in numbers, at least that was what I wish when I was reading that pieces of shit this afternoon. How I miss those challenging moments against my ability to solve the mysteries n feel this sense of smartness in me. The thought of accounting course makes me feel like I'm insane.
WHAT AM I DOING?

I feel like changing course. Perhaps the one I always wanted is a better choice.

I dun care if anyone were to tell me tt i'm always looking at the negative side of life. Because I'm so sick of this... i'm indecisive, stress, no life. Of cos, i do have my good side but does it matters? It doesn't! Right now if someone offer me a wish, I hope he will grant me wisdom. I feel like a baby turtle trying so hard to stay alive cos every now then I'm so afraid of getting washed up to the shore n getting eaten up by the eagle.

Sometimes I wanna tell you how I feel yet I do not want you to get angry or upset about it. As close as we were, there are still some stuffs that I have to keep away from you. It's hard. As much as I want you to know how I feel, I am so reluctant because I know your difficulties, your thoughts. I put myself in your shoes and I do understand. The thought of your expression prevent me from doing so. Your hopes are so high that I'm so afraid to disappoint you. So afraid that I will hurt you silently. I do appreciate everything you have done for me. Deep inside I pray that someday you will put yourself in my shoes and understand what I'm going though. Although this day will never come cos you will never read this. I just hope that when this period passed, I'll be a better and happier person than I'm now.


I watched license to wed with cynthia, lyn, avena, yx, martin n shamus. The show is funny ... I enjoyed myself just now. Went spize for supper... so full n fatty haha.

There's so many many thoughts running
Till the point where sleeping seems so tough
One tries to look beyond the sky
Wondering what's above it
Is it the sun? water? air?
Or is there an airplane?
Throwing one's hands up with the eyes close
One dreams the most beautiful image that came to mind
A smile came across
Droplets of water came falling down
The sky was touched and sad
Sky cried.
There, sky is one's only friend.
All because sky shares the image of one.

the days of schooling

Dear diary,

I had my Ab214 presentation today n i think i did pretty bad... cos i talk too FAST! haha like a train! Ah, whatever it's over so i'm gonna stay chilled.

I'm in the mist reading thru today's lecture notes. After class, mum came to pick me up n we went shopping. Haha, nv buy anything but still it's better than having to stay in hall( which i used to do tt in the past 1 yr). I love my home cos it's a luxury to stay at home, having no wories abt food, laundry n facing the gloomy room. But the downside is i tend to slp n watch more tv at home... haven really change my bodyclock when i was in sec. or jc.. where i slp but will start studying/ do my hw at a certain time of the day. Yupz, i'm gonna train myself!

From the start of the semster , tt was like last week, i felt kinda lost n demoralised for some reason. But today I'm gonna start motivating myself n say this



yup n at the end of the day , this will keep me smiling



yay! I'm cool. ( rolling my eyes)

i'm already there

He called her on the road
From a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her say I love you one more time
But when he heard the sound
Of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye

A little voice came on the phone
Said daddy when you coming home
He said the first thing that came to his mind

I’m already there
Take a look around
I’m the sunshine in your hair
I’m the shadow on the ground
I’m the whisper in the wind
I’m your imaginary friend
And I know I’m in your prayers
Oh I’m already there

She got back on the phone
Said I really miss you darling
Don’t worry about the kids they’ll be alright
Wish I was in your arms
Lying right there beside you
But I know that I’ll be in your dreams tonight
And I’ll gently kiss your lips
Touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the light and close your eyes

I’m already there
Don’t make a sound
I’m the beat in your heart
I’m the moonlight shining down
I’m the whisper in the wind
And I’ll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I’m already there

We may be a thousand miles apart
But I’ll be with you wherever you are

I’m already there
Take a look around
I’m the sunshine in your hair
I’m the shadow on the ground
I’m the whisper in the wind
And I’ll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I’m already there
Oh I’m already
There


Meli, remember this song?
It's sad and touching but i love it.

I'm so tired.. stay at home and keep walking towards that cosy corner in my bedroom to slp. Try to study but i failed. Dunno what i'm reading anyway.. i hate readings cos my language sucks.
I went to c the doctor cos i'm half deaf.. n the doctor doesn't seems to know what's wrong either. It's getting on my nerves to have my right ear block. Irritating! N my skin is peeling on my right upper hand. So ugly.. haha. Shall wear long sleeves till it gets better.
Had bbq at home tonight... love my family dinner cos mum always have the best food n tasty soup for us! Love ya mummy!
Tv-ing time!

A sleepless night

I had nothing to do while chopping the place in sentosa so took pictures! Haha..

This was taken a few weeks back- the pre orientation nbs camp.

It's 3am now. I'm feeling moody. Can't get to sleep.

Argh... where's my beautiful dreams?

I'm listening to a song right now... emo - Sometimes when we touch

Happy Days are over so soon:(

Dear diary,

School has started and I haven had the feel yet. Lol, this holiday must be too good for me to recover. 1st week has started and passed.. I still don't know what is going on.
I'm very tanned now after hall camp. Cos I were under the sun for 5 hours. I liked being tanned but i hate the peeling! N also, I'm like half deaf. my right ear seems to be blocked, it must be due to the wet hair tt i slept with last sat. N now it's still like tt! Sigh...
I took up dance lessons, finally. I've been dragging it since i was in sec 4. Hee, so excited and happy to learn. It's nv too late :)

It just welled up in her eyes
Having to see her undergo the same old routine
The routine - she hated most
Alone is what she always felt there
As sober as she is, she wish she isn't.
Only then, she can choose to ignore everything
Looking up the from the backyard
The sky is cloudy as her feelings
Numerous of stars up there... but how many were in fact close?


i wish i have magical powers to turn my life around whenever i'm down.

Hall 7 camp

Dear diary,

Right now I'm in hall 7 camp. The camp wasn't as great as NBS camp but still it's nice to see the old and new faces... It has been relaxing for me since i chose to slack in hall when i'm not invovled in the program. Went mambo last nite with 2 other frens though i wasn't really with them at all.

I'm BORED! looking towards the fright nite today at och cos i nv been there b4.

Busy Bee

Dear diary,

I'm loving this time of my life so much that i wish time is crawling. Even my dreams are sweet... though at the end of it, i seem to be lost always.
Been a good gal on monday n tuesday but as for the rest of the week, i'm busy gg out. NBS camp really brought mi lots of joy in my life n i certainly nv regret gg there as well as grateful that i was being chosen. So thanks SHAUN! U have good taste.

Wednesday
The og has an outing. We went to marina square and continue with our tradition of packing our food and sat down outside that empty area. It's really a marvelous idea when there is a big grp of people whom some of them are so broke including mi. We play games, chit chatted, sang birthday songs to nicole, helen n sui ling whose birthdays were around the corner. After which i join my secondary sch frens to mambo. It was fun n i was astonished. Haha.. why? Cos Singaporeans are so patriotic. Even in zouk, we hear national day song man! How cool is that huh? Saw a few familiar faces... Slept only at 6am n gotta wake up at 9am. For?

Thursday
Sentosa Outing! Lol, despite that long hours of fun the day before n i still manage to be the 3rd person to reach the meeting area at habour front. Slack at mac till more pple were here n we took the train to sentosa.As usual, we play beach games - frisebee ( my fav!) , volleyball ( it really hurts ur hand :( ) n getting dunk into the pool! Well, the unique thing being with camp frens is .. FORFEIT! I get the forfeit too cos i was the loser of this so called heart attack game. One of the girl injured her toe while playing soccer. The thought of it right ow still gave mi this cold feeling. It's really PAINFUL! i feel her pain .. even now. OUCH.. but u're a brave gal! The day didn't end at sentosa, we went back to the main island n had dinner at food republic. The soya bean there is nice!!! Slurp slurp.. Den sit ard mac for some ice cream. Just b4 we left, we started a supper discussion which we went there after to geylang. Haha, n once again i had tou jiang you tiao. Once again.. my day ended at 2am.

Two days full of activities is really really FUN n tiring. Nevertheless, I enjoy all my friends company :) Nv see my parents for 2 days.. i feel like a bad child who hangs out everyday. It's this guilt which keep mi home always. Nothing can replace the love my family gave to me.

Dreams
I had sweet dreams these days. I rmb in one of my dreams i was hiding under a shelter due to rain.. Den juz as i walk out, i saw this really beautiful rainbow which was more than half a ring.. It was huge, so clear n colourful. That moment, I thot of cheryl who mention the rainbow she said n i wanted to capture a picture of it. I kept looking up n down while searching for my phone to ensure the rainbow is still there. I saw my life there... like it's smiling to me, telling me how wonderful my life has been. Ever so colorful from this moment onwards. I had this sense of security, peace... this comforting feeling i nv felt. But.. jus as i found my phone, i saw this rainbow shatters into pieces n vanish into the air. So suddenly, this empty feeling came. Felt so lost. Turn n search fo the rainbow to appear but it nv did...

Today when i was napping, i had a funny dream. My youngest sis n another fren were riding bikes. The rest of my family member were in a car gg for dinner. Suddenly, i was on my sis bike den A bike which was empty appear beside me. I sat on it.. the key wasn't there, but it moved like a bicycle to a small road where there are many landed property. Then there is this guy who walks towards mi n say it's his bike which i say impossible ' it's A bike!' He insisted it's his n i called up the police, dial 999 n reported tt there is this mad guy who insist tt my fren bike is his. But i dunno where is my fren.. n i dun have the key. Now at rocher road. The scene closed... n went to the furture, A was eating dinner tgt. I asked him how come ur bike is with me? He said.. i dunno but i was in japan all these while n got injured in an accident on the road. Weird... I woke up instantly.